My Life On The Line
by NeverThink
Summary: Set during season 8. JD has been feeling ill, losing his balance and concentration. Although Dr Cox just sends him home irritated, Elliot knows that something more is going on. What really is wrong with JD? Please R&R.
1. The Symptoms

**Hello, hope you enjoy this one. It came to me in a dream, and so I thought 'why not?!' It's more detailed though and I've added bits in, done my research and I hope to get a lot of reviews (good ones, mind).  
Disclaimer: I don't own Scrubs or any of the characters.  
Italics = JD's narration.  
There are no real pairings, except perhaps JD/Elliot. But each chapter may vary. Set during season 8. XD Enjoy!**

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**Chapter 1 – The Symptoms**

JD's POV

_For a few months now, my head has been feeling funny. It's felt pressurised, like someone has their hands on either side and is pushing as hard as they can. I've put this down to migraine – it will pass soon, surely? There must be something I'm not doing right. But it's always worse in a morning, so it could be sinuses. Yeah – really bad sinuses. But I've also been throwing up a lot too. It could just be a really bad tummy-bug. It's easy to catch things off of patients at the hospital. That's all it could be._

"Newbie!" Dr Cox's harsh whistle and piercing bark snapped JD out of his day-dream. He shook his head and looked around, unsure of what he was doing.

He was holding a long, thin needle, and was currently inches away from someone's spine. He looked at the needle, suddenly confused by what he was doing. Dr Cox was standing at the other side of the patient, propping him up and looking very angry at his colleague. JD took a deep breath and put the needle down on the bed. Dr Cox sighed loudly and snarled at him.

"What the hell are you doing?" He snapped.

"I... I don't remember." JD shook his head.

"I'll tell you what you were doing," Dr Cox began in a sarcastic tone. "You were day-dreaming again, I mean re-healy what do you think you're playing at?! That's the third time you've lost your concentration and I'm getting sick of it."

"Really?" JD frowned. "The third time? Wait, I know what this is. Spinal tap. I can do this, hold on."

"No, no, no, no and finally no." Dr Cox shook his head and glanced quickly from the sleepy patient to the door. "Go home. Get someone else to come in here but don't you think for a second that I'm letting you perform anything whilst you're acting like this. You really need to buck up before you kill someone."

JD nodded and walked away from the room. _What is wrong with me? I know that I tend to dream a lot at work but it's never really affected my performance. I couldn't even remember what I was doing... was it really the third time I'd done that? Something is really wrong with me. Dr Cox is right, I need to go home._

"Carla." JD reached the nurses' station. "You need to get someone to cover my shift, Dr Cox is making me go home."

"What have you done, Bambi?" She replied in a motherly tone.

"I think that I lost my concentration..."

"Well that's not so bad."

"...three times."

"Oh, JD," She looked angry. "You shouldn't do that; you know that you're a doctor, right?"

"Yeah..." He didn't sound so sure.

Carla whispered something in Spanish as she turned to look at the doctor's board. JD shifted uncomfortably where he stood and gave a sheepish smile when she returned with a bar of chocolate.

"Here you go." She pointed to Elliot. "She's gonna take your patients. Get some rest, you're obviously not well. Turk told me you've been snapping in and out of your day-dreams more often lately."

"I s'pose I have, I just don't remember it." He took the bar and then looked at Elliot a couple of times. "No... don't tell her... she'll think I'm insane. Please don't tell Elliot, I should be better by tonight, get someone else to take my patients, not her..."

"Why are you so bothered if Elliot knows?" Carla frowned. "You know she'll just pamper you."

"I don't want to be pampered." JD grimaced. "I don't want her to know! Please, just keep it to yourself and give someone else my shift - anyone else."

"Okay I'll talk to Dr Mickhead. Go home, Bambi."

*****

_I had decided that once I got home, I should just rest on the couch and watch Gilmore Girls until I could fall asleep. But sleeping was proving hard because my mind felt so active and there was no chance that I could watch TV because something was wrong with the volume. It was a little muted, distant, but randomly came back to normal. Although this was annoying, it kept me concentrating on things like the volume and my pending headache. At least I thought I was concentrating... I guess I could just be day-dreaming with my stupid narrative voice again._

JD shook his head from side to side quickly and blinked rapidly like he had been doing all day. Why couldn't he just keep himself from drifting off like that? He looked at the TV, and Gilmore Girls had finished a long time ago. It was now seeping into night time; Elliot would be back any minute. He had to look normal because he didn't want her worrying about him so much.

The door clicked open and he knew that she was home. A fresh sent of hospital rank found its way to his nostrils as Elliot leaned over the couch and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey JD, why are you home so early?" She inquired immediately.

"Err... Dr Cox sent me home." He shrugged, trying to keep it casual. His voice broke on the word 'Cox.'

"But you had a lot of patients, why would he do that?" Elliot frowned, finding a seat next to him and looking him straight in the eye. Oh no, this was serious. She had sussed that something was up.

"Carla gave my patients to Dr Mickhead I think." JD explained. "I wasn't feeling okay, alright? Just a tummy bug, people get tummy bugs all the time."

"Aw, no..." Elliot stuck out her bottom lip and felt his forehead with her hand. He winced and felt his oncoming headache pound dangerously, so much so that he grabbed her wrist and twisted it away quickly. He didn't realise just how madly he had done this, and she yelped and looked at him fearfully.

"JD, what's going on with you?!" Her question sounded more like a rhetorical one, so he refused to answer. He didn't know himself; he had just felt the urge to do that. It was almost as if her touch made him physically sick. His headache finally arrived and he groaned a little, sinking into his chair.

"Look," He sighed, deciding to tell her. "I've had headaches and nausea all month and now I can't concentrate well. Sometimes I can't even remember what I was doing before I drifted off. And now I'm frustrated because the stupid TV isn't working properly; I can't hear it most of the time!"

She glanced over at the TV. The sound was working fine. Nothing was wrong with it at all.

Elliot watched him closely and pursed her lips. JD had never laid a finger on her before and he was too much of a girl to do so anyway. Why was he acting like this? It was almost as if his personality had just flipped over. This worried her, as she calculated all of the other things he had mentioned. She stood, her doctor head screwed on tight, and looked him in the eye once more.

"Do you want some ice cream?" She asked.

"No..." He squirmed (was it a squirm?) and shook his head. "It's too cold, I don't like ice cream."

"Are you sure?" She insisted. "You usually love ice cream."

"I'm sure, Elliot, leave me alone!"

Elliot nodded and walked away to her bedroom. JD felt bad suddenly.

_Why am I being such a jerk? She only wants to help me but I can't help but shout whenever I hear her voice or see her face. When she touched me – it was like I couldn't bear it. But I love Elliot, I know I do. Don't I? What's happening...? Maybe if I finally get some sleep I can get rid of this stupid tummy bug and survive the rest of the week._

JD stood up and began to walk over to their bedroom to apologise to Elliot, but he felt himself losing his balance. He called out as he fell over and crashed into the wall. Elliot came out and helped him up.

"I can't let this carry on." She said, hoisting him back onto the couch. "I'm calling the hospital right now and we're gonna get you checked out. Whatever this is... this is... serious. Okay? I'm gonna sort you out, JD. Don't worry."


	2. The Diagnosis

**Hello, hope you enjoyed the first 'taster' chapter. This next one gets a little more serious now, so if you're a lover of JD, turn away now – no, wait, don't do that! Just read on, grin and bear it and i hope that you like it.  
Italics = JD's imagination  
No real pairing except slight JD/Elliot but it shall vary accordingly ****J  
Set during season 8 which means Puberty-Beard is with Barbie. Just so you know. Enjoy! X**

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**Chapter 2 – The Diagnosis**

_Elliot had driven me into Sacred Heart in the morning like she had promised, but didn't tell me that it meant 6:00am. She wanted to be sure that I wasn't dying or anything so when I woke from a nightmare that was the final straw for her. She phoned Carla straight away knowing that she had the early morning shift on Thursdays and asked her to get me a doctor straight away so there was no waiting around. Carla said she'd get Dr Cox onto it. When I found that out I was a little worried but also a little entertained – Carla was paying him back for being mean to me yesterday._

_When we got into the hospital, everyone was treating me like a doctor because I was still in my scrubs from before but Elliot made sure to send them packing with her over-hyped squeaks. First there was The Janitor who said that he wanted to borrow my neck for something, but she easily got rid of him by saying that there was a squirrel parade in the parking lot._

_Dr Cox wheezed when he saw me coming towards him and allowed us both into his consult room. I sat on the big comfy chair that patients usually were allowed on and felt special._

"What is it, Barbie?" Dr Cox asked Elliot, apparently not talking to JD after yesterday's events.

"JD hasn't been his... usual self." She half whispered. "Um, sweetie, you tell him."

JD chewed on his gum and proceeded. "I've been throwing up and had strong migraines in the mornings, and by dinner time I find it hard to focus my attention. I lost my balance last night and that's it I think. My head's been feeling pressured as well."

"I see." Dr Cox turned his attention back to Elliot. "And that's it?"

"Err, no." Elliot sighed, and JD gave her a funny but sharp look. "He also had a hearing problem, saying that the TV wasn't working properly when I could hear it fine. He also had a... uh..."

"Spit it out, Blondie, I don't have all day." Dr Cox sounded exasperated as he spoke.

"...JD I'm so sorry, but..." Elliot bit her lip. "...his personality has changed a little bit."

"What?" JD gasped. _I know what she's talking about but I can't tell her that I know how much of a jerk I had been. She'd hate me for that._

"I'm sorry, JD!" She moaned. "But it's true. You suddenly decided that you didn't like ice cream and you flinched when I tried to touch you..."

"Enough info there, kids." Dr Cox grimaced. "Now listen, you both know what those symptoms could add up to so I'm going to have to do some tests. Newbie, get a bed."

"Tests, what tests?" JD panicked. "What symptoms? What are you talking about?"

"JD, calm down." Elliot soothed.

"You're a doctor yourself so I don't expect you to notice when your own body is acting up." Dr Cox began. "Just understand this: we're going to get you through this. It could be nothing. We just don't know. Now, Barbie, get him a gown and then we'll get him in a room."

_I don't want to be in a stupid hospital bed. I mean, I've been in a hospital before but I hate every minute of having to be a patient. I am a doctor, I can't get ill. It seems to be the balance of the entire universe being flipped about. So when I had to put on a gown and lay down with nurses puffing my pillows and asking if I wanted water, it was no wonder that I snapped, right? I don't know. I don't usually shout at people for no reason._

Elliot came into JD's room, now complete with lab coat and clip board. She almost fell apart when she saw him on the bed, looking helpless and alone.

"JD, Dr Cox told me to start your tests right away."

"What are you even looking for?" JD frowned. "It's probably nothing."

"We know what we're looking for." Elliot eased around the subject. "It's best if you don't know yet, in case we're wrong."

"That sounds serious." JD grimaced.

"It's not!" Elliot burst out suddenly, unable to stop herself. "Honest, it's not serious. First things first, I'm gonna give you a physical."

"Sure thing," JD raised his eyebrows and winked at her. She giggled and indicated for him to sit up.

"Just a general check-up of your health." She explained. "Open your mouth. You see, there's probably nothing wrong at all. You're just queasy or something. Close. Look up. Anyway, Dr Cox told me that I should conduct all of the tests unless it starts to get serious, but it won't. Turn your head."

JD listened to her ramblings and let her give out her rough physical, flinching when her cold hands touched his face. The only thing was, he had a feeling that he wasn't flinching from the cold. When she had finally finished her check-up, she looked a little concerned.

"There's something wrong with you, JD." Elliot sighed. "But... I don't know what to do."

"Why don't you start with your options, Barbie?" Dr Cox told her as he walked into the room. He gave a quick glance at JD and then turned his attention back to Elliot.

"I've got, err, two ideas." She chewed in her lip. "But I don't know if it's too drastic or not."

"He's showing all of the symptoms, you know what we have to do."

"What symptoms!?" JD moaned.

"I was thinking of a neurological exam." Elliot explained. "But that make take up time we don't have."

"Neurological exam?" JD questioned, all doctor-knowledge skipping out of his brain. He couldn't remember what one of those was, never mind what it could show.

"You're right, we already know his strengths. You said he lost balance." Dr Cox pointed out. "What else were you thinking?"

"CT scan." Elliot shrugged. "Simple, and we can always inject the dye into him so it shows up better."

"I see." Dr Cox nodded. "That would be best. Newbie, get up."

"What, you're doing that now?" Elliot freaked.

"Sooner rather than later, yes." Dr Cox grabbed hold of JD's shoulders and hoisted him up before he could even start to lean forward.

_Why is everybody acting like this is a big deal? I don't understand. To be honest, I don't actually remember what any of these symptoms lead to. Carla's said it before – no doctor can diagnose themselves. It's virtually impossible, and I'm proof. Anyhoo, I didn't like where this was going but I knew that if I just kept quiet and did as they said, someone would finally tell me what was wrong with me._

_Dr Cox took me for my CT scan. It wasn't scary or horrifying as I'd thought it might be. As I sat waiting for it to finish I imagined a large bowl of ice cream of all different flavours. I dipped my spoon into creamy surface area and brought it to my mouth. Unfortunately, my brain and decided that I don't like ice cream anymore, so I immediately threw it up as soon as it touched my tongue. The memory of Elliot telling me about this change in my personality managed to snap me out of my day dream._

_Later, I was sat in my room waiting for the results of the scan, with Turk for company. He hadn't come earlier because his shift hadn't started till 9:00am, and even then he had morning surgery. But now he was with me, and that was all that mattered._

"Aw, dude, you should've seen his gut." He was reminiscing over past surgeries. JD grimaced and nodded along with it.

"I don't think I should've." JD told him forthright. "I'm queasy. I'm a squealer."

"Yeah, I s'pose." Turk shrugged. His eyes then turned serious. "So what's up?"

"We don't know yet." JD looked down. "I don't think it's anything too serious but Dr Cox gave me a CT scan which usually means something bad, right?"

"Not necessarily." Turk pointed out. "Sometimes they tell you that what you thought was up with a patient, actually wasn't up at all. You're gonna be fine, V-Bear."

"Thanks." JD smiled weakly. His head was feeling pressured again and his stomach was doing somersaults. He didn't really feel strong enough to add anything else.

"You look sick." Turk looked concerned. "I hope you feel better soon, dude, 'cause I got tickets to a big game next week. Carla's taking Izzy to my mom's so it is _on_."

"Izzy...?" JD groaned and suddenly remembered something. "Sammy. I want Sammy now. What if I'm dying? What about Sammy?!"

"JD, JD, calm down!" Turk raised his hands and his friend tried to jump out of bed and forced him back down. "You're not dying and eve if you were, Sam's got Kim. You're fine, okay? You are not dying."

"Why else would they do a CT scan?" JD complained clutching his head with his hands. "There's something wrong with my brain, it thinks I don't like ice cream no more. It flinches when Elliot's touches me and it makes me drift off too often."

"There's nothing wrong with your brain." Turk tried to comfort JD. "Seriously, dude, taste can change. And Elliot's got cold hands, who wouldn't flinch? You're always day-dreaming... see, JD, you're okay. I promise you're fine."

"Elliot told me it was nothing serious." JD sighed. "I just don't know if I can trust promises."

"Dude," Turk used his fingers to trace a cross on his chest. "Cross my heart. You're fine."

_And I guess it was easier to just accept this promise from Turk instead of fantasising about death or little Sammy growing up without a dad. I don't know what had suddenly triggered the idea that I was dying, but I remember that most CT scans ended in the same result. I'm unsure what that result is, it's so hard to remember things now, but I know that it's bad. I just didn't want that bad result, no matter what it was._

_Dr Cox was the one who had to tell me. He came into the room with my chart – that's right, I've got a chart now – and gave me a grave expression. I tried to ignore it and put it down to Perry just being angry like he always is. But his face wasn't angry or frustrated or even annoying. He looked sad._

"JD," He started, with my actual name for once. "There's no easy way of telling you this."

JD sighed and shook his head. "Just spit it out."

"Okay then." Dr Cox took a deep breath and then threw his chart onto the bed so that he could see for himself. "You've got a brain tumour."


	3. Jessica Peacock

**I bet you're all angry with me now because I gave JD such a serious problem after Elliot and Turk promised him he would be okay! But honestly, it makes for good fanfic, so just hold on till the end. Here are the usual ramblings I do...  
Pairings: JD/Elliot. I've decided that they're gonna be more involved as a couple, duh.  
Rated T for sensitive subjects, it's still set in season 8, and finally I do not own Scrubs or any of the characters, it's just fun to mess about with them.**

**Chapter 3 – Jessica Peacock**

_I am going to die._

JD stared at the wall, like he had been doing for five minutes now since Dr Cox had told him the bad news.

_I am going to die._

Dr Cox took the chart away from him, giving a look of sympathy mixed with sorrow. He knew that this must be hard for the poor guy, so he shouldn't say anymore until he was ready. He'd just wait for him to come to terms with it. JD wasn't even blinking. He couldn't stop thinking the same thought over and over again.

_I am going to die._

Dr Cox decided to leave him alone for a little while and come back later. He turned around, feeling as though he was lugging an elephant too, and began to walk out quietly. It wasn't until JD made his thoughts into sound that he stopped.

"I am going to die." JD had imagined it as a question, but his voice broke and it became a statement of fact, a fact that echoed out around his mind and made his head hurt even more.

"No." Dr Cox came back to him, putting the chart under his arm and using his hands to express his disagreement. "That's not the only option. You know that there are treatments you can undergo. I'll be... I'll be more than happy to help you along the way."

"But I've seen this a million times." JD croaked. "They all die in the end."

"For God's sake, Newbie, we're all dying, it's just a matter of when!" Dr Cox growled. He didn't mean to sound so angry but he couldn't stand there and listen to that nonsense. "Now listen to me, you're going ignore what you've seen before and do as I say. You're going to get through this."

"What's going to happen to Sammy?" JD clicked his tongue and shook his head. "He won't remember me when I'm gone."

"Stop thinking like that and buck up." Dr Cox told him. "I'm going to get Blondie. I wasn't sure whether to tell anyone before you, so she has no idea."

"Thanks." JD whispered. Dr Cox gave a small nod and walked away. The Janitor had over-heard pretty much everything they had been talking about, having been hid behind the door frame pretending to mop up at the time. He chose this opportunity to come in and bonk JD on the head with his mop.

"Hey, cut it out!" JD shouted, grabbing the handle and pulling it away from the jump-suit wearing man.

"No one likes a grumpy person." The Janitor shrugged. "S'up with you, Scooter?"

"I... I have something wrong with me." He stammered. "Can you just go, please? I can't be dealing with the likes of you right now."

"The likes of me?" The Janitor shook his head before carrying on. "Lady's making me be nicer to you. Doesn't mean that I will. Just when she's around. Problem is, she's here today. So I'm being nice to you now."

"By hitting me on the head with wood?!" JD tried to grasp his words. "You could make it worse!"

"Make what worse?"

"...nothing."

"Your tumour?" The Janitor raised an eyebrow.

"You knew about it and still hit me. That's just great." JD nodded with a sarcastic smile. "Just go. Now, before I get up and make you leave."

"Scooter's got a little feisty since yesterday." The Janitor smirked. "Truth is, Lady isn't around. I just wanted to do something nice for a dying friend, and you ruined that. Typical." He sighed and walked out. JD sighed too, for what felt like the 100th time in the past few hours.

What else was he supposed to do? This was major – more of a life-changer than the news that Kim was pregnant. That had shaken him up too but at least he managed to get through that and as a reward, gained the most beautiful son in the world. What was he supposed to get from this? He had cancer. Cancer that would kill him at any time, he just wouldn't know when. Being a doctor, he knew that at some point he would try to treat himself and that he mustn't. In fact, the best option to him right now was jumping out of the window and running away.

Unfortunately, at this point Dr Cox re-entered the room with Elliot hurriedly racing from behind. She looked concerned, upset, and confused. But JD couldn't shake off the feeling that he hated her right now.

_She lied to me. She told me that everything was going to be okay; she told me it wasn't serious. I have cancer in my brain! How is that not serious? She must hate me. I hate her. Why would she lie to me like that if she knew that something was wrong?_

"I'll let Newbie explain." Dr Cox said quietly, before once again leaving and making the room's atmosphere slightly more uncomfortable.

"What it is, JD?" Elliot came forward and tried to sit on the bed but JD pushed his leg against his back and forced her off.

"As if you don't know," He wouldn't even look at her.

"I didn't, till now." She looked down.

"You always knew it was a possibility." JD began, angrily. "You always knew what the symptoms led to and you didn't tell me. You wanted me to find out as late as possible, without even consulting me-"

"Stop it!" Elliot winced. "I know that I should've discussed it with you first but I thought that if you knew, you'd be... upset."

"Well, I'm certainly upset now!" He shouted. It went quiet for a while before he carried on. "I've got a brain tumour."

"It's treatable." Elliot encouraged. JD didn't want to know; he turned his head away from her and closed his eyes. "Please let me help you, JD."

"I can't." He whispered. "Just go."

_I know I shouldn't take it out on Elliot but she did lie to me. I can't believe she'd keep something like this from me. If she'd even thought on a whim that I had cancer, she should have told me. I probably would have freaked out, yeah, but at least I'd have known. I watched Elliot slowly leave the room but I didn't feel bad at all. Why should I? All I want right now is Sammy._

_Nurse Espinosa. Now there's someone I can trust. When Carla came in to check that I was comfortable, I asked her if she'd known as well. This was her answer._

"Elliot rang the hospital this morning and told me, but other than that, no." She was doing something with the bed.

"I just feel like everyone has deceived me." JD confided. "At least Elliot and Turk. They both told me I would be okay, and then what happened? What am I supposed to do, thank them?!"

"I know that you must feel betrayed," Carla stopped what she was doing and placed a hand on his cheek. "I'll talk to them. For now, just try to stop thinking about it and rest. We don't want you getting all stressed. That wouldn't be good."

"You're a good friend." JD smiled. "Can you do me a favour though?"

"Anything, what is it, Bambi?"

"No one has told Kim yet." He looked down. "I want to see Sammy."

Carla nodded. "Sure thing, but first things first, let me help you up."

"Where am I going?" JD questioned as he was gently eased into a wheelchair.

"You know, JD." Carla frowned. "You have to go to the cancer ward. I'm sorry."

"Oh." _I'd always thought that the cancer ward was a little depressing, except when the patient was happy, but generally they weren't. I didn't think that I would be a chink in the chain at all. I wasn't looking forward to this._

_Carla manoeuvred me through the hospital, and once more I got to see the hospital through a patient's eyes, just like when I'd had my appendix removed. We bumped into Kelso on the way, quite literally. He frowned at me, and chomped into his muffin._

"What are you doing, sport?" His voice was a little muffled from a full mouth.

"More like what are you doing?" Carla pointed out. "You're usually at Coffee Bucks, what are you doing in here?"

"That damn Janitor led me here with a trail of crumbles." Kelso growled. "All because I bet him that he couldn't jump across each table, which he attempted, and fell into a pile of jumpsuit on the floor. It was quite funny till now. He got me into a closet and locked the door for no apparent reason. I had to bang on the door until an Orderly released me."

"Maybe if you spent your retirement at home, you wouldn't get yourself into these kinds of situations." Carla suggested.

"I suppose, but then I wouldn't get free food, now would I?" He laughed. "Anyhow, you didn't tell me what you were doing in that there wheelchair, sport."

"I'm a patient, sir." JD explained. "I got a brain tumour."

"Oh, that's too bad, sport." Kelso bit into his muffin again. "See you around."

"He seemed interested." JD spat as the former Chief of Medicine limbered away.

"That's just him." Carla continued to push the wheelchair. "He doesn't look like he cares, but I bet that he does really. He'll never admit it."

_I knew she was right, but maybe that was just my ego hoping it to be true. I didn't matter, as I've already said, I just want Sammy right now. He's the only thing that could make me feel any better. _

_Once I was in the cancer ward, I immediately felt the presence of death. Sounds harsh, but I couldn't shake it off and I just wanted to leave. Carla helped me onto my new bed (she had to help me because I kept losing my balance and almost falling on my butt). Turk was already there talking to another patient, when he saw me and came rushing to my side. I did not feel like talking to him._

"JD? Does this mean... oh, my God, JD, I can't believe it!" He began, sounding desperate. "How could this happen? I'm so sorry, dude, what can I do to help?"

"Leave me alone." JD muttered.

"Excuse me?" Turk looked taken-aback. Carla soothed his shoulder.

"He doesn't want to talk to you at the moment." She explained quietly. "Go get your chocolate bar, it's time. I'll stay here with JD."

"Nah, I wanna stay here with JD!" Turk whined. "He's my best friend, not yours."

"I don't want to talk to you!" JD shouted. "You're as bad as Elliot!"

"I don't understand..." Turk put his hands on his hips. "Look, if you need any surgical advice, you know where I am."

"I'll be getting my advice from The Todd, thanks." JD lifted his chin. "And yes I know that he's not appropriate, but he's a good surgeon, so... there. Now go please."

"You can't make me..."

"GO!"

_I think maybe Turk must've seen the tears that were beginning to spill from my ducts, because he obeyed my unreasonable command by moving onto his next patient. Carla gave me a motherly look that told me she didn't judge me. I guess most people who go what I'm going through would understand my sudden anger. It had only been twenty-four hours ago that I'd been the usual happy-go-lucky Dr Dorian. Now I was just JD... the nearly deceased. Maybe I was over-reacting. I didn't care._

_Carla left me on my own to go find Kim. Part of me didn't want to be left alone but I knew that it meant Sammy coming sooner rather than later so I accepted her departure well naturedly._

_Flashback: "No, don't leave me here! Nurse! NURSE!"_

_Okay, so maybe I put up a little fight. It didn't matter now, though, because a girl in the bed next to me had decided to take it upon herself to speak._

"You're new here, I'm guessing." She chuckled. She had a southern drawl and red hair in plaits, which immediately gave JD the impression of a cowgirl. Her eyes were big and blue, but with purple rings circling to show the tiredness that she and the rest of the cancer patients shared. Her smile didn't falter though, and it was infectious. JD couldn't help but smile back.

"Yeah, I'm actually doctor here though." He said. "Remember me? Dr John Dorian? Anything? No?"

"Not really." She shrugged. "Sorry about that."

"It's okay."

"So, Dr Dorian..."

"No, wait," He stopped her. "Just call me JD."

"Okay." She chuckled again, sunnily. "I'm Jessica Peacock but I guess you can call me JP!"

"Alright," JD nodded with a smile. "JD and JP!"

_And just like that, I knew that maybe it wouldn't be so bad here after all._


	4. The Treatments

**Sorry for the late update, but I've had a lot of worries on my mind recently. I hope this is sufficient! I spent a lot of time pondering over this chapter, because I didn't want it to be serious or too angsty, but I didn't want it to be too cheerful and jolly either. I hope that it's a good mix of the two. Late updates will be eliminated ASAP. Enjoy xxx**

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**Chapter 4 – The Treatments**

_Jessica was someone that I had decided to look up to. We had got talking whilst Carla was away and it turned out that she had been diagnosed with a brain tumour over two years ago. That helped me put my whining in perspective – if she could survive that long with a cheerful face, then why can't I? I actually asked her that question, because there was still a nagging voice in the back of my head telling me that I wouldn't live to see next week._

"Listen, JD, I've seen too many people come in and out of here in the past two years and if there's one thing I've learned, it's that each one dealt with it differently." She explained to him calmly whilst he listened intently. "You're showing the average reaction. The 'oh my God I'm going to die soon' reaction. It's pretty common."

"How did you react?" JD asked, feeling a lump forming in his throat.

"I tried to kill myself." Jessica shrugged. "Overdosing, ripping out my IV, I even tried smothering myself with a pillow."

"Sounds... lovely." JD cringed.

"I didn't want to die, but I didn't want to suffer neither." She elaborated. "I've seen my Gran die slowly from the exact same thing, and I knew that I'd rather die a different way."

"I can understand that." JD nodded. "I've seen all kinds of patients feel the same way."

"But how do you feel?"

"I..." JD trailed off. He honestly didn't know how to answer that. "... I guess I just don't want to die, like you said. I have a son, and... I don't want him grow up without a dad. A real dad, I mean, not Sean... I don't know..."

"I see." Jessica nodded. Carla came over at this point, and she smiled at the two of them.

"Making friends?" She asked JD. "It was only a few minutes ago that you were shouting at anyone who tried to help."

"I got perspective." _That was true, as well. I shouldn't be pushing my close friends away at a time like this. But I still couldn't guarantee forgiving them for lying. Even Elliot, whom I knew deep inside that I did love. We were a couple again, strong for once, I couldn't let something like this get in the way of that._

"Well that's nice for you." Carla bit her lip. "Sam's gonna be a while, because Kim is working right now and he's in day care... meanwhile, Dr Cox is coming by to discuss treatment methods with you. Are you going to be okay with that?"

JD looked at Jessica for confirmation, who nodded and gave him the thumbs up. He spotted the catheter beneath her skin and realised the scary truth. He had to be ready, he had to be okay, there was no way around this.

"Yeah, I'm okay." He gulped, trying to sound brave. "If you see Elliot or Turk... tell them I'm sorry."

"I think they'll understand." Carla soothed him by rubbing her hand gently on his arm and then nodding at Dr Cox who had been standing close by the entire time. With that indication, he walked over and placed a new chart on the bed.

"I can talk to you like a doctor so don't think I'm going to sugar coat it." He began with his usual harshness. "I am going to ask Carla here to give you a peripherally inserted central catheter. You know what this means. Now if you'd like to begin, we need to discuss other treatments."

"Uh..." JD's mouth dried up and he spun his head round to Jessica again. She shrugged and smiled at him. "I don't know. It's difficult to concentrate... I forget things, I can't remember what to do..."

"Oh, come on, Rochelle, it's easy." Dr Cox snarled, and Carla whispered something to him. He whispered back and sighed. "Fine, I'll help you out a little. We know that it's malignant so Chemotherapy should begin straight away. Carla's inserted your IV which is part of that so there's no discussing there, I'm afraid."

"Okay, I don't mind." JD bit his lip as he felt the needle go in. "What type of... err... tumour... is it?"

"The usual." Dr Cox shrugged. "It's Glioma, which means surgery is my first option. How would you feel about that?"

"Erm..." _We talked and talked for a while about the prospect of shaving my hair, Radiation Therapy, Chemo and everything else. It was difficult to keep my mind on one thing, and most of the time he ended up clicking his fingers in my face and shouting at me. I would have thought that after all we'd been through, having a brain tumour would mean that Perry would maybe be nicer to me. Sadly, I was wrong. He was even more angry and impatient with me. Every time I hesitated I could see the vein popping in his forehead._

_In the end, we decided that surgery would be the best option. Jessica was nodding and encouraging my every answer, and I felt an underlining connection towards her straight away._

"I don't think we should let Turk be the surgeon." Carla put in quietly.

"I wasn't gonna let him." Dr Cox informed her. "It's too risky, he'd probably break down."

"Don't make it The Todd either!" JD burst out. "Dr Wen, please make it Dr Wen!"

"You can have it any surgeon you like." Dr Cox coughed slightly, before patting JD on the shoulder. "Keep it strong there, Newbie." He continued to cough as he walked away to visit his next patient. Carla giggled a little.

"See, there are advantages to this, Bambi." She pointed at the old doctor. "It's torturing him to be nice to you. Enjoy it while it lasts."

"He shouldn't have to be forced into it." JD looked down. "He should instantly feel obliged. I'm dying, you know."

"We don't know that." Carla raised her eyebrows. "No one said it was terminal."

"I know," JD sighed. "I wanna be alone now, please."

"But Kim's coming in half an hour, what about-"

"That's fine, I only need ten minutes or so."

"Okay. See you around, Bambi."

Jessica turned her head to the other side so that she wasn't facing JD, who tried to get her attention back with a small 'psst!'. She soon looked back with a smile.

"I thought you wanted to be alone?" She asked him with a cheeky look in her eyes.

"What I really meant was for Carla to go away." JD rolled his eyes. "She's amazing but she's too much of a mother-hen, you know?"

"Yeah, I know." Jessica giggled. "I remember the first time I stepped in here. She wouldn't stop 'comforting' me or telling me I'd be fine, or giving my pro's of the cancer. It gets old after a while."

"Sure does." JD sighed. How did she get to be so cool about this?

_Once again they began talking and it seemed like they had so much to discuss, but alas, half an hour had to go by so quickly and soon it was time._

"Look who's here!" Carla announced, bouncing from what seemed to be nowhere. Kim was a little way behind her, holding Sam in her arms whilst the buggy stayed at the nurses' station. JD couldn't stop the grin forming on his face as he reached out for Sammy, but Kim looked uncertain.

"What's the matter, come here!" He tried reaching again, but got nowhere. Kim inched further.

"JD, this is..." She stopped and tried to think of the right words. "...this is huge! I mean, you're... I can't believe this is happening to you. It's just too much at once."

_She still has feelings for me, and who wouldn't? I'm awesomely striking in the looks department. Now hand me my child! I want to squeeze his little fingers._

"Can I have my Sammy, please?" JD tried once more, clearing his throat for a better more stronger voice.

"Oh, yeah..." Kim nodded and handed Sam over. JD took the little baby and placed him in the crook of his arm, using his free hand to stroke the baby's hair and then pinch at the fingers playfully. Sammy was so sweet and cute and small and... and not at all grown up yet. He was too tiny to remember his daddy all that well.

_I hate this. I never want to let him go – in fact, I might not. I could stage a hostage taking or something, up on the roof, and then they'd never be able to take my precious Sammy away from me. Elliot would help me, she loves kids. Hell, she'd even kidnap him if I wasn't involved!_

_Wait, think rationally, Dorian. You can't kidnap your own kid and besides, he needs his mother. You're just trying to think of ways to keep him around because you're scared. Admit it, scaredy-cat._

"Never." JD whispered under his breath, before cooing at Sammy.

"He's a cute-y!" Jessica piped up from his right, leaning to see.

"Aw, hey, Sam, this is my friend JP." He introduced them, making Sam wave. "She understands me, not like everyone else."

Kim cleared her throat and took Sammy from JD quickly. "I've gotta go, I'm so sorry for all of this but I really need to, uh, think things through. Don't take this personal, I'm just in complete shock."

"How can you say that?" JD snapped suddenly. "I'm lying here, feeling like Death and you're acting as if you're the one who needs to be adjusting to the news. Don't be like that, Kim! I just wanted to see my son."

"I know, but I can't... I'm sorry..." And with that, she was gone. JD was left staring at the space she had once been stood in, mouth agape in his horror. He had waited for what had seemed like hours just to see Sammy, and she took him away after two minutes. This was more evil than the whole 'miscarriage' thing, in his eyes anyway. He couldn't understand, nor would he.

"I'm so sorry, JD." Carla sympathised. She sensed his hurt and decided to sneak away to treat other patients instead of staying and most likely getting shouted at.

_No one spoke to me whilst I stared into space. I didn't mind though, because I've been on the wrong side of a man on death row – and I know, I might not be terminal. But it was malignant right now and that meant that it was cancerous. As for how I managed to get the tumour, I was starting to see more clearly; although I was still too self-involved to completely focus on real life right now, I remembered that my granddad had Alzheimer's when I was growing up, and he had died early on. Recent studies showed that Alzheimer's could be linked to malignant brain tumours and most cancerous cells skip a generation. I decided to tell Jessica this._

"Someone's feeling better." She enthused to me. "Only a few minutes ago, you weren't able to remember any treatments for it. Now look at you!"

"It must be all this bed-rest." JD smiled too. "I'm not used to this, I'm always on call lately and never have time for anything. Elliot's always telling me, too... oh..."

"Who's Elliot?" Jessica questioned, in a genuinely interested tone. JD couldn't help but feel obliged to answer.

"Elliot Reid. She's my girlfriend." JD answered. "I... err, I should feel really guilty right now – which I _so _do. I pushed her away when she was trying to save me. I shouldn't have left her out of my head like that. She's amazing, JP, honestly amazing. I love her so much and I feel like such an idiot." He puffed out a heavy amount of breath and shook his head. "I wish she knew how much I love her. She means the world to me."

"Wow, you seem smitten." Jessica laughed little, like she always did. "How long have you guys been going out to end up as loved up as that?"

"Well actually, not that long." JD thought back over the last eight years and the things that the two of them had been through. "We used to date, a long time ago. It was a complete train wreck. We were always getting close to one another and then sabotaging it; we were both stupid back then. Stupid little interns, not quite good enough for reality."

"So what happened for you to fall so hard?"

"I broke her heart, she hurt me, we kept bouncing off of each other, bouncing in the wrong way. It wasn't until recently that we really clicked again, but I realise how much I love her and how much I've always loved her."

"That's the cancer for you!" Jessica pointed out. "It makes you think things through. It makes you regret things and it makes you hold the things you love most closer."

"It's makes you realise things." JD agreed. "You're right. She's a doctor too, you know?"

"I guessed that, which proves I'm always right." Jessica raised an eyebrow and gave a crooked smile. "Could you buzz for a nurse please? My fingers are tingling so I can't do it myself."

"Sure thing." JD nodded, pressing his button until a nurse with red curly hair came over. She looked at him with concern.

"Dr Dorian, what are you doing in that bed?"

"You know why." He rolled his eyes. "I'm starting to get it now, so don't you ruin that!"

"Well okay," She smiled sweetly. "What is it, dear?"

"Not me, Jessica wants you." He pointed.

"Yeah, hi." Jessica waved. "I want Dr Reid, please."

"What?" JD frowned. "Why do you want her?"

"Because I knew that you wouldn't be man enough to ask to see her yourself and you two obviously left things in a bad way last time." She shrugged. "I'm doing you a favour. Don't thank me."

"Well..." JD tried to think of a reason why she was wrong, but it was impossible. "Once again, you are correct – damn it, you're _always _right!"


	5. Irrational Thinking

**I know some of you think that Jessica is a bit of a Mary-Sue character, but you didn't give her a chance! I haven't completed her storyline yet, but luckily, this chapter was the one where things start to change with her. Anyways, Elliot will be making an appearance in this one, JD lets his mind wander once again and... well, I'll just let you read it, shall I? XD  
_Italics = JD's narration  
Bold = JD's Imagination_**

* * *

**Chapter 5 – Irrational Thinking**

_Oh my God, Elliot's coming! She's turning the corner... she's seen me! Noooo! She's going to be so apologetic and she has no need to be, I was the one in the wrong. Or was I...? I remember that she lied to me, for definite. Why is it getting harder to think about these things? It's like I'm losing my concentration again... I can't be doing that. Oh no, she's nearly here! Look at that sympathetic look! I can't handle this right now, I wish JP hadn't done that. I feel tired. My head is being crushed. I wish everyone would just disappear..._

**Suddenly, everyone in the hospital faded. Including Jessica, who even gave a sad wave as she departed. Alone, JD gave a small smile and nodded at the nice new quiet time he was having. All that was to be heard was his breathing, faint, but still there. It was shallow. Now it was getting faster. _Oh no, I'm crashing! _It was difficult to breathe now, so much so that he tried to call out but there was no one there... he was alone and dying... no one was there to save him...**

**JD. JD... JD! JD!**

"JD!"

"What, what?!" JD blinked and shook his head to get rid of his latest nightmarish daydream. Elliot was holding his arms and had been shaking him awake, eyes wide and terrified. He swallowed, feeling guilty.

"Don't do that to me ever again, okay?" Elliot was freaking out, that much was obvious. "Your eyes glazed over, I thought you were..." She trailed off. "...anyway... I've got to speak to this patient now. Sorry for disturbing you."

She scooted over to where Jessica was looking her up and down, apparently assessing her every move with careful eyes. She toyed with one of her plaits and sighed when Elliot smiled at her.

"So, are you having any issues?" Elliot asked her, sunnily. "I'm not your usual doctor, so it's just a routine question."

"Actually... no." Jessica sounded at first like she had something to say, but resigned and pointed in the direction of JD. "He wants you really, not me. He needs to talk to you. Go ahead, JD."

_Damn it. What am I going to say? Well, 'I'm sorry' would be sufficient for now. I'll work out the rest later. Why won't my headache go away? This IV is really uncomfortable. I want Carla to take it out. Maybe I should shout her over? Oh wait, stop thinking Dorian, your girlfriend is waiting for an explanation! You have to give her one, you owe her that much._

"I think we need to talk." JD gave in to his narration, patting his bed in indication for Elliot to sit down. She did so, leaning in and blowing the fringe from her face. "I need to say sorry because I shouldn't have turned on you like that, there was no need at all."

"You had every right to be upset, JD." Elliot began, then turned around to see several patients and a couple of passing interns listening in to the conversation. She widened her eyes and continued. "Look, we can't talk right now but I just want you to know that I never meant to hurt you. I am here for you whilst you go through this, and I will never leave your side as long as you want me here. Don't beat yourself up about it."

"You're so good." JD gave a small smile, looking down and holding her hand. "I know I can't keep you here forever. You've got your job to do, and I've got things I should be doing too. I've got surgery to be getting ready for!" He whimpered slightly and tried not to show his fear, but Elliot kissed him and patted his hair.

"It's okay to be scared too." She told him. "I've got to go. Try to be brave. For me."

"If you say so."

Elliot walked away, looking behind her the whole time with that worried look on her face that she always got. _That was surprisingly easy. I'm going to hate it if this surgery doesn't work and she has to see me suffer. If... if I do end up dead, it's going to crush her. Never mind her, I haven't done all of the things I've wanted to do! Get married, start a family... well, I have Sammy, but I mean another family, with Elliot. I haven't eaten a salmon fish, I haven't witnessed Sam's first steps, I haven't had one last Eagle with Turk... oh my God, I haven't done anything I wanted to. I need to do these things at some point!_

"Hey, you okay?" Jessica piped up then, snapping JD from his day dream. They were getting longer and longer now, even getting scarier. He was over-thinking everything to points where he forgot where he was for a couple of seconds afterwards. He looked over at Jessica and nodded slowly.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I'm just thinking of all the things I wanted to do with Elliot before I died." He answered, tilting his head. "Did you ever think of stuff like that?"

"Yeah, I suppose." Jessica seemed spiteful, pursing her lips. "I've never really had what you would call a partner, so I didn't think about it in that way."

"Oh, sorry."

"No, it's okay. Dr Reid looks really nice. You're lucky."

"You don't sound like normal." JD frowned. "You're upset about something, what is it?"

"Nothing!" She spat back, now angry. It was such a drastic change in personality and JD had to check that he wasn't day dreaming again. "She's perfect and brilliant and absolutely crazy about you! She's beautiful, thin and healthy. She's not going to die on you."

"I don't understand."

"Don't you get it yet?" Jessica sighed, exasperated. "I liked you, I really, really liked you. You took an interest in me and no one has ever done that before! I want you for myself. And then you tell me about Elliot. I thought I could forget about it, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. I even had her come over just so I could see how pretty she is!"

"That's madness." JD shook his head. "You were supposed to be the sensible one of us. You were going to get me through this." He narrowed his eyes, feeling betrayed yet again. "You're just another sadistic, masochistic patient that wants constant attention. I've seen it all before! You were supposed to be a cowgirl!"

"A cowgirl?"

"Never mind. Just leave me alone."

"Wait, JD..."

"No! Just... shut up."

_I found the strength in me to ignore her stares afterwards. She lied to me! Well, kind of. I thought she was going to be some kind of amazing superwoman who'd help me through this but she's just typical of this place. Everyone's got something wrong with them in this hospital, either a strange quirk or annoying habit. I admit, I'm not perfect, but I wanted her to be. I was relying on her._

_Elliot will be back to check up on me soon, give me a kiss and sooth me before I head off for my first surgery. They were going to try and cut out my tumour before the cancer spreads further. It's quite big but easily manageable, apparently. After that it would just but a bunch of Chemo or other treatments, it was all up to me. I had complete choice in all of this, mainly because I am a doctor and I know exactly what to do. Apparently. I'm forgetting things._

_Oh good, Dr Wen is here. This means that my surgery is coming very soon. He's coming to discuss the operation step by step so that I feel comfortable. I could pull out at any minute, but I shouldn't. All that's really on my mind as he speaks to me now is what I'm going to do in my future. I don't know how long I've got, I have to start planning these things! I need to remember my list... I can't remember my list! Damn this stupid memory loss! Oh no, I haven't listened to a thing Dr Wen has said! Oh well, I'm sure Turk has gone over these things with me, right? Oh that's right. Eagle!_

_I'm starting to lose sense, aren't I?_

Dr Wen was walking away now and Elliot came over to replace him. Jessica was still being randomly spiteful, turning her head away so as to miss the public display of affection that ensued.

"I missed you." JD told Elliot quietly, not wanting to upset his friend further.

"I missed you too!" Elliot giggled, toying with her hair. "I've been talking to Dr Cox, and he said that everything should be fine! The cancer hasn't spread much so we can treat it with minimal pain. You should be fine."

"Oh, great." JD nodded, again not listening. "Hey, Elliot? I've got a crazy idea."

"Go on," She frowned. Even Jessica turned to see what was happening. JD took hold of his girlfriends hand and looked straight into her eyes with a distant expression.

"I've been thinking – a lot – about what I'm going to do, and this might be a completely irrational thought but I really want to hear the right answer."

"What is it, JD?" Elliot half laughed, embarrassed that people were starting to look again.

JD gulped and licked his lips before speaking.

"Will you marry me?"


	6. Silence Can Kill

**Oh no what have I done this time? Cliff-hanger from hell or what?! Oh well, all will be revealed as to what happens right now, so be ready for it. Oh, and something nasty at the end, too. Plus, a bit of the ol' Dr Cox to cheer up everyone! Turk may even appear if you wish really hard... enjoy! xxxNTxxx  
Italics = JD's narration  
Bold = JD's Imagination**

* * *

**Chapter 6 – Silence Can Kill**

_She's not saying anything._

**Elliot reached forward and plunged her fist into JD's chest and ripped out his heart, much like in that Simpsons episode he'd watched recently. Only this time, she was laughing and juggling with the pumping organ, prodding and poking at it. Jessica was too, throwing her head back and making 'yee-haw' sounds. JD gasped with the little strength he had left and tried to reach forward for his vital organ, but Elliot moved it from his reach and laughed some more.**

**"You really think I'd marry a loser like you? You're a dying loser."**

**A dying loser...**

JD managed to snap out of his day-dream when he heard Elliot sigh and felt her hand slip away from his. Although it had been a little over-exaggerated, it did sum up the way she was acting. She hadn't said anything since he had proposed and was now not even touching him. What had he been thinking, asking her a question like that!?

"Sweetie, you're under a lot of stress..." She finally began, but he pressed a finger to her lips.

"I know what you're going to say, but think about it!" He insisted. "You love marriage, you'd love to be married and you love me, right? So this is perfect. What's stopping you?"

"JD, you're just trying to solve everything in your head." Elliot tried her hardest to explain. "Dr Cox said you'd be like this at some point. But there's no need to rush these things because you haven't even been to surgery yet."

"But it's malignant."

"Listen, I'm going to get Dr Cox to explain all of this to you but for now, I have to be going to see my other patients. Please don't take this the wrong way."

_The wrong way?! How could I not take this the wrong way? She still hasn't answered me but it's an obvious no. My day dream nightmare was right – she doesn't want to marry me because she'd only end up a widow. This stupid cancer is ruining my life. Now look at her, walking away like nothing's even happened. Makes me want to run down there and serenade her, do anything to bring her back and say yes. I want this._

_Jessica's staring is really annoying me. I better look over and tell her to stop it..._

"Do you mind?" JD shouted at Jessica, his voice breaking at the end.

"What made you think she'd say yes?" She asked him.

"I thought she loved me."

"Obviously not!"

"You're just saying that because you're jealous." JD narrowed his eyes. "But seriously I'm in love so stop trying to butt into that. If you wanna play the whole 'she left you so come over here' trick then don't try it with me because I'm not listening. You're sad and pathetic."

"No." Jessica croaked, shaking her head. "I'm not. I'm lonely."

"Maybe we shouldn't talk anymore."

"What, and be silent?" Jessica's words slurred.

Her hand was shaking, causing her IV drip to shudder. JD watched as the rest of her body began to pulsate, and about ten nurses surrounded her. According to their shouts, it had happened before and was getting more and more frequent. Seizures were horrific to watch and JD had never gotten used to them. But he had never witnessed a friend go into one before. This was too much. He looked away.

_I knew that what I had said hadn't caused the seizure and that it would have happened anyway, but still something in the back of my mind will always blame me for that moment. Because when I looked up again and the nurses had left, her eyes were closed. She was only sleeping but the nurses didn't look happy. I would've asked what was happening but everything was going so fast that the next thing I knew, Perry Cox was hovering over me with a clipboard and my chart, apparently not happy to be there._

"Irrational thinking is the first symptom of someone who is overly ready for surgery." He started, not even saying 'hello' or acting as if he knew who JD was personally. "We can't bring it forward so Blondie asked me to sort you out. Just stop letting your mind wander by keeping busy and be damn sure _nawt_ to take every little thing to heart, it'll only make things worse. See you after."

"Wait a minute, Per." JD frowned, grabbing hold of the older man's lab coat to pull him back before he tried to escape. "That was hollow and cold. Why are you being like that?"

"Because you are one of my patients." Dr Cox replied. "Don't expect special treatment just because I knew who you are this time."

"That hurt greatly." JD nodded. "Thanks for that, really need the boost of confidence."

"It's not my fault you're here." Dr Cox shrugged. "I'd shred a bit of humanity if it was anyone else, but it's not. It's you. You're a pain in the ass and neck."

"I would've thought that you'd be more understanding, more nurturing." JD scratched his forehead. "I guess you're just a jerk after all."

"Yeah," Dr Cox nodded. "It's never been me to act all sentimental."

"I've helped you out in your darkest moments."

"Then by all means call me a jerk."

"Fine,"

_He was a jerk! After all the time we'd spent together – after eight years – he still wasn't going to act a slightest bit concerned for my health? Well screw him, I had people who cared. Well... Elliot was giving me the silent treatment (not really but I can't be sure) Jessica was sleeping so she was pretty much not there and now this with Dr Cox? I realised then how lonely I really was. I watched as my mentor simply left me to myself without so much as a goodbye and felt the emotion of everything building up on me._

_God, my head was throbbing. And I felt my head shaking but I wasn't worried. I knew that it was just another one of those stupid symptoms of the tumour and all I should do it ignore it and hope it goes away. I really needed a pick me up. That's why I couldn't help the cheesy grin that took over my face as I saw Christopher Duncan Turk heading in my direction. I opened my arms out for a hug, ignoring the tubes connecting me to the machine._

"Chocolate Bear come here!" JD exclaimed with absolute enthusiasm that was too hard for Turk to ignore. He opened his arms too and began to jog down to the bed.

"Vanilla Bear, you really want a hug after what I did to you?" He paused before the embrace to be sure but JD dragged him down.

"Of course, I forgive you!" He sniffed loudly. "Ooh, you smell like friendship."

"You okay, JD?" Turk asked when he pulled away.

"Not really," JD answered honestly. "I feel like... ugh, I don't know, like everyone is getting further and further away from me. Am I isolating them?"

"I don't know, dude, what's happened?"

"I asked Elliot to marry me."

"For shizzle?" Turk almost laughed but stopped himself. "Guessing she said no."

"Actually, she didn't say anything." JD bit his lip.

"Ouch. That's, like, ten times worse."

"You're telling me!" Vanilla Bear let out a small cry. "And then my cancer-buddy JP – I'll explain later who she is – started to ignore me because she was jealous and wants me to herself. I argued with her and then she went into a seizure so we haven't really spoken since."

"Nasty." Turk raised his eyebrows. "That's her over there, right? Yeah, Carla said you were making friends over here."

"Ah... tell Carla I'm sorry for freezing her out before." JD grimaced. "She was getting all mother-hen and annoying."

"That's another one." Turk counted on his fingers. "How many more people have you upset today?"

"Dude, I'm dying, give me a break!"

"Yeah, you're right." Turk looked down. "And, uh... don't mention anything about death, yeah? We don't know for sure."

"I'm going into surgery soon." JD pointed out. "They won't let you do it."

"Duh," Turk frowned. "I wouldn't be able to anyway, what if I made a mistake?"

"I trust you with my life." JD assured him. "But you're right. Anyways, my list of people I've ticked off hasn't finished yet. Apparently, my being ill is upsetting Kim to the point where she took off with Sammy before I had a chance to talk to him properly."

"Well that's just dumb and selfish, ignore that chick." Turk shrugged. "You know I never liked her?"

"Liar," JD chuckled. "Plus Dr Cox won't get sentimental with me."

"Dude, that's not who he is." Turk explained. "Give him time, he'll come round. Maybe you'll even get a hug out of it."

_I love Turk – not in that why, just as a friend. He's always been there for me even since we were in college together. I can't imagine my life without him... I wondered right then how he felt about living life without me. If Turk died suddenly, I wouldn't get over it. So I didn't know how hard this was for him to sit here and chat about anything that didn't involve the cancer. He was being so good for me. That's why I love Turk._

_Even when he left, I still felt a warm place in my heart and mind where I knew he'd stay throughout the surgery. I hoped he would think about me. Maybe he'd even watch? Nah, I don't think he'd get through that._

_Everything that happened next went by like a flash of lightening. Dr Wen came to take me to surgery and I noticed some more people surrounding Jessica's bed. This time there were doctors. I felt pinches in my arms and knew that I'd be unconscious soon. I was glad though, because my head was unbelievably pressured to points where I wanted to tear it off my neck in a bid to feel slightly better._

_The last time I'd been to surgery was eight years ago for my appendix. I realised that this was a bit worse but it comforted me that it wasn't completely new. They were just going to search my head instead of my torso. I'd be fine, who's worrying? I'm certainly not worrying. Even if I died on the table, at least I wouldn't die suffering from the cancer! I'd die peacefully and blissfully unaware of it. What if I woke up during the surgery? Yeah, like that'd happen. Stop being such a baby. No, you. You. You! You!_

_Okay, stop it!_

_They say you don't remember much from the few minutes before being sedated. All I could see was a darkness zooming towards me, fast and unforgiving. Then the cold black took me over._

_I did not resurface._


	7. Dr Percival Ulysses Cox

**Okay, Chapters are becoming a little different now. JD is no longer the main narrator... read on to find out why. A little angst, a little hurt/comfort... and a little emotion. You have been warned. Enjoy! xxxNTxxx  
_Italics = Dr Cox's Narration/thoughts_**

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**Chapter 7 – Dr Percival Ulysses Cox**

JD never did resurface.

Dr Cox was standing over the unconscious body of his close-colleague, John Dorian. The last time he had seen him, Newbie was moaning and complaining that his mentor wouldn't show some compassion, and the whole thing was so God damn annoying that Perry had chosen to walk out before he strangled him to death. For Christ's sake the boy should know by now who he was. It was never going to happen... not while he was conscious. Which is why he stood over him now, mulling over how his protégé had been pre-surgery. Responsive, for one thing. Alert. Awake. Moving. Now look at him. Hooked up to a bunch of machines to help him breathe, with little brain activity and a shallow heart beat. Unresponsive. Slow. Comatose. Still.

_Aw, hell, how did this happen? God almighty, whoever the damn surgeon was you betcha I'm gonna have a few words with him. I mean, come on! This guy was alive and well a few hours ago! Now he's a potato. Carla keeps telling me not to call him that because he's still awake and listening in there somehow but what am I supposed to do, just sit back and watch as those scalpel jockeys completely damage a young person? JD had so much more to live for._

And yet the expression on Dr Cox's face did not falter – it was the same stony look as always, so that no one would suspect him to have feelings or emotion of any kind. Truly and honestly he didn't understand why he felt so attached to that girly freak, but now he was starting to see things he'd never noticed before about JD. His eagerness. His willingness. How he never fell back whenever his so called 'mentor' knocked him back with ranting blows. It seemed almost pitiful that Dr Cox could only see these things now.

ICU was sometimes a hollow place to work, but now people would glance over at where JD would lay, shed a tear, a sniff or even go over and take their time out to talk to him. Being his doctor, Perry would tell them that any speech, music or touch would be fine because they were sure that he could feel everything whilst he was in his coma, but he himself didn't even believe that.

Barbie had taken it hard. She had been forced into suspension because it was effecting her work. Turk was managing fine, it seemed, but everyone knew he was hurting on the inside. Carla tried to take it in her stride, using other patients as reasons not to go visit him. Hell, Dr Cox had even seen _Jordan _sitting beside his bed and talking about nothing in particular. Everyone was talking to him.

_So why can't I?_

Oh, he knew the reason. How could he, when everyone around him expected him to be harsh and cold? No... that was not the reason. It was deeper than that. See, talking to a coma patient makes you more attached to them, so you're sad when you have to take care of them every day. How is Perry supposed to make that same connection with Dorian and still be able to check his vitals to see how more unconscious he had become over night without breaking down? It would be too hard to go into work every day and see his face. So distancing himself was the safer option. He was just another patient.

_I've already enforced this view before, back when he was awake. He wanted to know why I wouldn't comfort him in his time of need – well there's your God damn reason, Patricia! You've always had a place in the back of my mind where I considered you to be a friend. So don't you go dying on me just yet! Wait... I should really say this stuff out loud..._

He didn't. He glared at the heart monitor, sighed, and walked out but he did not say a word to JD's seemingly life-less body. As long as he was just a patient, it was easier to sleep at night. Easier to enjoy watching sports. Easier to talk to people.

Except it wasn't, was it? And it never would be.

Carla came up to him then, ready to stick her oar in like she always had to. It had been three weeks since Newbie had been like this, and every time Cox tried to talk to him and then failed, she would march up to him and give him what for. A bit hypocritical, but everyone knew how much it pained her to do things like that without feeling as if that person has already died. So they let her off. Why wouldn't they let_ him_ off?!

"Did you say anything?" She asked the same question every day.

"No." He gave the same answer every day.

"Look, you're never going to find closure from that feeling in your stomach until you at least say a few words!" She encouraged, pushing him towards JD's room. He resisted and grabbed hold of her wrists.

"Listen to me. I. Don't. Want to!" And then he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Do you even understand how much of an ass-wipe I'd been to that kid, even when he was in the cancer ward? How am I supposed to face him now? It's too little too late."

"It doesn't have to be and you know it." Carla soothed him, rubbing her hand up and down his arm. "You know that he would accept any sympathy from you. You don't even realize how many times you've emotionally hurt him and yet he still keeps forgiving you." She shrugged. "You're lucky."

"And you don't God damn know how hard this is,"

"Oh, I do, believe me." She nodded. "I'm not going in there either, but that's for totally different reasons. You're braver than me. Go ahead."

"Only if you come with me." He whispered, but he knew the answer already.

"This is something you have to do on your own."

_Why must it be something I have to do by myself? I hate today. Okay, so she's shoving towards his bed...closing the door... now you're alone with him. For God sake's, he's not even awake! It'll be like talking to a statue; a living almost breathing statue. Just do it._

_But look at him. He's a mess. He's so vulnerable and tiny in comparison to any other patient I've treated and I know why that is – it's him. It's JD. I know deep down somewhere in my cold black soul that I liked him. He was a good person. IS a good person. Present tense, never forget to use the present tense, Perry!_

_Just go over there and say a few words. Don't even have to say them – just mumbled them, he'll hear. Just talk myself through it... no one's even looking, they're all busy with the rest of the hospital, so why you so afraid? That's right. You think that if you say something, he's gonna die and you're gonna have another mental breakdown. What a chicken._

_Okay, this is it, you've managed to reach the bed, now just lean over and whisper anything. Oh, dear God look at how purple the skin beneath his eyes is. Look at how different he looks, yet he's still so familiar..._

_No more stalling. Just do it. Just. Do. IT._

And so he listened to his mind and his heart, leaned down towards JD's ear and whispered to him:

"Keep it strong there, Newbie. We can't run this place efficiently without you."

He was supposed to now walk out of that place, tell Carla to stopping bugging him and get on with the rest of his day. However, he pulled up a comfy chair, sat beside JD's bed and stared at the tubes in his nose for a long, long time; they looked so unnatural. Perry didn't know nor understand the reasoning for him being here, because all he was doing was staring and hoping that the lump in his throat would not turn into tears. He had never handled death well – Ben, those three rabies patients – and this would be just the same.

Except that Newbie wasn't dead at all, so why was he still thinking along those lines?

He needed to talk to him. More, better than just a couple of sentences.

"You're... uh, how to start?" Perry checked his watch and turned off his pager. "You're a good guy, I know that. I give you a hard time but we both know it's for the best. If I start handing out gold stars every time you do something right – well, then there just wouldn't be any gold stars to give out anymore. I appreciate all the things you've done for me in the past, I admire your compassion and the fact that eight years later, you're still the same caring doctor who puts his patients first. I respect those things about you... but I'm not the kind of person who can express himself easily. I'm a... I'm a total jerk."

He sighed and rubbed his forehead with his thumb and forefinger. "That's all I can come up with. I'm sorry for the lack of entirety and what almost came out as a eulogy. But if you wake up – _when _you wake up – I hope to God almighty that you do not remember this conversation. If you do, then don't say anything." He winked. "I will kill you."

"Well, that was sweet." Carla uttered from the doorway. She had silently opened and had been listening for a while. "Threatening Coma patients is almost unheard of."

"Shut up." Dr Cox tried not to laugh, but it seeped out of his lips. "It's better than what you've done."

"I'll say bye to Bambi on my own time." Carla took Dr Cox's hand and steered him from the room. "I think it's brave of you to come in here and do that, so for you, I will too. Tomorrow."


	8. Nurse Carla Espinosa

**_It's Carla's chapter now, I hope you enjoyed the last one. I find writing for Carla difficult – I just hope that I've done her justice – if not, feel free to tell me! Enjoy xxxNTxxx_**

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**Chapter 8 – Nurse Carla Espinosa**

There was no turning back now, she had promised Dr Cox that she would talk to JD; she really didn't want to, but not because he was an enemy or she disliked him, that would have made this easier if anything. But because by talking to him, she would end up saying goodbye and he was not dead yet. He was alive, and there was any chance that he would wake up someday, it just didn't seem likely right now. Carla hated situations like this and she wished that her man was with her to help her along but of all the people she could ask for help, Turk was not the right one. He was grieving in his own way, she had no right to push him into anything. Dr Cox had already done his worth, so it was all up to her.

Carla felt like such a hypocrite. She had pushed and pushed Dr Cox into this, and now she was the one cowering from it.

Even as she walked towards JD's bed, she felt the tears welling up in her ducts. Why was this so hard? He was going to be okay. Everyone said so, his vitals were normal as coma patients go, nothing was abnormal. They said that the surgery had gone well, they had removed the tumour but the cancer would have rendered him comatose anyway – he just wasn't strong enough. It was bad timing. That horrible thing had done this to him – she wished that she could just clean his brain out of anything cancer-like and have done with it.

Carla stood outside his door now, looking through the blinds at where he laid in his bed. The hospital around her continued to work but seemingly in slow motion. She turned her head in every direction, searching for someone to give her the final nudge but they were all so busy, getting on with their lives and jobs. Oh God she wished Laverne was here - thinking about that terrible day that she had said goodbye to her good friend and fellow nurse made her remember that ghost that had followed her around for the entire day until she had done something about it. She didn't want that to happen again with JD, but it was too late. Thinking about it only made it worse, and before she knew it, JD was not only laid on the bed but also stood beside her.

"Just go in and say something." The ghost-Bambi told her.

"You're not dead yet." Carla mustered, refusing to look at it. "You can't be a ghost. Go away."

"It's not my fault." Ghost-JD frowned. "You thought me up, you have to get rid of me."

"I know, I know!" Carla wailed. "I hate my imagination sometimes!"

"Me too," Ghost-JD laughed. "You should see half the stuff I day-dream about during the day. I think I've got a mental problem, what do you think?"

"No jokes, please." She whispered. "I'm not in the mood."

"Oh, look who it is..." The ghost nodded over to someone behind her, and she swiftly turned to see Turk checking on a couple of the ICU patients, his smile painted on. Ghost-JD shrugged. "Maybe you should talk to him."

"I don't wanna." Carla bit her lip.

"Couples are supposed to share."

"Oh, I suppose you'd know?"

"Well, yeah, actually, I'm with Elliot, remember? Why does no one care about that!?"

"Because we've all seen it before." Carla managed a smile. "Okay... I can't believe I'm taking advice from my own mind, but you're right. I'll talk to him."

She waved off the imaginary JD, taking one last sorrowful look at the real comatose JD and then walking up to her husband with quiet desperation. He looked up once from the chart he was reading and nodded to acknowledge her presence and already she felt that this was a bad idea.

"Baby, I need to talk to you…" She began.

"Yeah, what's up? I'm kinda busy right here." He answered, still not looking up for more than a second.

"I understand that you're hurting but I need you to tell me it's okay to be scared sometimes." She explained, unable to express in much detail the amount of pain she was in. Luckily, the choice of words made him stop what he was doing and take hold of her left hand with both of his.

"Why are you scared?" He asked.

"Turk… I need to talk to JD." Carla bit her lip, seeing something in his eyes that suggested he was dying inside. "I'm sorry, but I just can't do it."

Ghost-JD appeared beside her again, nodding at her in encouragement and longingly staring at his best friend.

"It's just something you gotta do." Turk shrugged, acting so strong for her. "You gots to do what you gots to do, know what I'm saying?"

"That's not helpful." She moaned, snuggling into his chest for a hug which he accepted. The embrace felt empty and cold. Neither of them were up for it. "Just… tell me that it's the right thing to do. Tell me the consequences for not doing it. Will I go to Hell?"

"Naw," She felt her man shake his head above her. "You won't go to Hell at all, baby. You know in your heart that it's the right thing to do. You're a good person, so eventually you won't be able to help yourself. Just think – what would JD do if it was you in a coma? I think he'd set up a picnic on your bed and try force-feeding you cake."

Carla giggled. "You're right, he would, wouldn't he? I can't let him down."

"No you cannot." Turk agreed. "Uh, I'm with a patient here so I can't come with you. That okay?"

"You know it." She nodded – it wasn't fair for her to expect him to come too. He had to do things in his own time, like anyone else in this place. So, with a brave smile and a heavy heart, she took a deep breath and pushed past the Ghost-JD, right into that room and took a seat next to his bed. Automatically she looked up at his heart monitor and check his IV, but everything was okay so she couldn't nurse her way out of it. She sighed and let her finger trace his arm.

"Hey, Bambi," She half-whispered, voice breaking slightly. "You look good. I hope they're all taking good care of you. If they're not, just say the word and I'll kick their ass's."

Above her, she felt the Ghost watching her. He didn't say anything.

"I just wanted to say something, real quick." She continued, a single tear flowing down her cheek. "It ha s to be quick because you don't want me crying all over you, do you? Ah… listen, you are one of the best friends I've ever had. Aside from Elliot and Dr Cox and everyone else, you always made me laugh even when you were being a goofy idiot or when you were stealing my husband's free time. I'll never forget the first time you walked in these hospital doors, or when you hit your head on that lamp – remember that?" She stopped and wiped her face. The tears were beginning to come thick and fast now, her voice wobbling.

"It's not fair – why do all of the good people get cancer, eh? I found out that your grandfather had it – its must've skipped a generation." She didn't know what to talk about, and she was sure that it he could hear her then he didn't want to know about that. "Elliot's doing really well. She wants to marry the pants off of you if you're still up for it."

_I can't do this. I can't keep babbling about nothing in particular, or how he got cancer, or how Elliot's suddenly changed her mind now. These are all bad topics of conversation, I'm such an idiot! I should just say what I came here to say and get out._

"Bambi." She leaned into his ear. "Don't leave us. We all love you too much. I'll see you when you wake up."

And then Carla looked up, to find that Ghost-JD had disappeared. She smiled and stood to leave, happy that she had finally mustered the courage to talk to her friend without necessarily feeling that he was inevitably going to die. In fact, it felt good knowing that from now, it would be easier just to pop in from time to time and fluff his pillows, maybe tell him about her day, bitch about the lazy interns and generally use him as he always had been to her – a good listener.

As she slowly left the room, she saw Turk waiting outside with a sad smile on his face too. She collapsed into his open arms and welcomed his warm smell.

"I did it." She whispered.

"Baby, you were all over it." Turk chuckled at her. "I got no surgery this afternoon so before we head off home I'm gonna go tell JD about how proud of you I am."

"Really?" She pulled away and looked up at him, excited.

"Yeah." He nodded. "I think it's time he heard from his Chocolate Bear."


	9. Dr Christopher Duncan Turk

**_Turk's time to shine _****_J You have no idea how many of these chapters I've got coming for you...not that many really. I've got two more after this one (perhaps three depending on how much I love the Janitor). In fact... maybe even four. I've just thought of someone else. Anyhoo, it's not over yet! Please keep reading, I'm unsure how long this fic is going to carry on for. Enjoy! xxxNTxxx_**

**_A/N: Any weird spelling like "I'ma" and "thang" are just for Turk and were purposely spelt that way. It's how he rolls, man!_**

**_Italics = Turk's narration/thoughts_**

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**Chapter 9 – Dr Christopher Duncan Turk**

_I don't know why everyone's so scared to go into that room, it's the same room loads of other patients have been in over the years. Except it's not the same room, not really. It's JD's room. But still! Why can't some people just suck it up, be a man and get it over with?_

_People like you, you mean? Aw, man._

Turk was sitting on the desk of the nurse's station and staring into his best friends room of the ICU with quiet desperation. He didn't want anyone to know that he was scared beyond belief – not even his own mind. He was constantly in a battle with his mind, as it tended to scream and taunt him about his fears. His conscience told him to ignore it and get on with work as he could fall behind with surgery or even get suspended like Elliot had. His gut feeling told him that JD would be okay and wake up one day with that goofy grin on his face.

His heart was telling him to sit beside his buddy's bed and tell him how he feels. The only problem was, with all those things yelling at him inside, it was difficult to hear his heart most of the time. He tried to listen to his inner voice, but he had lost it along with his faith as soon as the surgery had gone bad. He knew that he should have done it – whatever Dr Wen had done with those interns hadn't helped at all.

Turk couldn't blame the surgeons – he knew that they were only doing their job and that they had done a good one too; what happened to JD was going to happen anyway and there was no stopping it. No one was to blame except that idiots weakness. God, he was such a girl at times.

Trying to ignore everything wasn't helping at all. He found that most people could detect his sorrow from a mile away, so he had to do extra little dances here and there no matter how cold and hollow they were just to prove to everyone that he was okay. He didn't even talk to his own wife about it much – the most he'd done was to convince her to talk to JD when he could barely do it himself! Turk felt like a coward, and it wasn't doing much for his ego.

When looking for people to blame, he must've argued with everyone in the hospital. Firstly, with Elliot, for breaking JD's heart just before surgery. She hadn't taken that well, but also didn't deny it, which is when she'd turned into a crazy lady and threw the case of charts at the wall. He realised afterwards that maybe he'd been too harsh and then turned to Dr Cox, blaming him for giving zero compassion to JD in his time of need but Dr Cox just shrugged and shoulder-bumped past him. Carla later informed Turk that Dr Cox had actually poured his heart out that day, which proved another theory wrong.

In the end, Turk had no answers and his prayers were not helping. He had told Carla that this afternoon he would see JD and yet he was still sat on his ass doing nothing. What a coward.

"You're gonna have to go in there someday." A familiar voice croaked from beside him. He looked down and saw Elliot stood in her comfy clothes, hair all over the place and no make-up on, also staring at her boyfriend's numb existence.

"What are you doing here?" Turk asked, avoiding the question.

"I missed this place." She shrugged. "I can't handle being on my own at home all day, and even when Carla comes round to visit, I just end up in tears. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. People were saying that you're having a hard time to so I came to chat."

"I'm not having a hard time!" Turk put on his fake confident cheery voice that almost sounded like a tune. "I'm just going with the flow, putting shizzle on my dizzle, know what I'm saying?"

"We can all see right through you." Elliot smirked. "Don't even try that pretend happiness on me. I was the queen of that in my first years of internship here."

"Yea, I know." Turk looked down, sliding slowly from the counter and frowning at the floor. "I was just about to go in there, honest."

"I believe you." She nodded. "I'm gonna go now before Cox see's me around here."

"Sure you can't stay and help me out with this stuff?"

"I'm sorry."

"Okay well if you need to talk, I'm always here."

_I like Elliot. She's a good friend even after what I said to her and I should respect that. You don't get people like that come into your life very often. I just wish she could restore my faith a little – I don't want to have to do this by myself. In fact, what would JD do to calm himself down? Oh yea, he'd think of a stupid day dream that only he could think about to help him get through it._

So Turk closed his eyes and thought of the funniest thing that could happen when he walked into that room...

**Turk entered, sat down beside the bed and sighed.**

**"Just wanted to say, I love you, man."**

**"Dude, I love you too." JD answered, sitting up from his coma. "You know what? I like dudes in that way so if you wanna make out, we can."**

**"Sure thing..."**

"Blaaaa!" Turk exclaimed as he battered his way out of that day dream before anything weird could happen. But the thought of that moment of madness in his mind did put a smile on his face, and as he walked up to the door, his heart's voice was louder than ever, shouting the same three words with every pump of blood: "Do it, man!"

"I'ma go do my thang." Turk nodded, pushing through the door and confidently striding towards the seat beside JD. "Wazzup?"

As expected, nothing responded but the beeping of JD's heart monitor. There wasn't even a flinch from JD's features – his eyes were closed, with jerking movement beneath the lids, his mouth was closed with no movement what so ever and even his nose didn't twitch. God that thing was huge.

"So, err, I was talking to Carla before and I think you should give her some credit for being really brave and facing up to her fear." Turk began. "'Cause she didn't want to come and talk to you like with Laverne, she thought you would die if she did. But you didn't, which is awesome; keep up the good work. Anyway, uh, I miss you, man. I know it's not easy for most guys to open up and stuff, but I don't give a crap so I'm going in. You're my Vanilla Bear, don't go dying on us."

He wiped his chin and looked to the ceiling. "Dear God, if you ever have existed you'll help out my friend now. See that? I thought I'd lost my faith but I decided if you are still here then there's hope yet. Hey JD, there's something weird I gotta tell you, if you didn't hear it before, Dr Cox was getting all sentimental about you the yesterday! And today, when an intern said that we should just treat you like any other patient 'cause you're not special, he ripped her a new one. It was that Denise. You like her, don't you?"

He was running out of things to talk about now. There was only so much you can say to a sleeping man without sounding crazy.

_That's all he is, right? Just sleeping. I wonder what he's dreaming about, something weird? They say that when you're in a coma, you dream about random stuff that don't make no sense, and sometimes it can be a nightmare world. I hope he's not stuck in a nightmare; it'll be a relief when he wakes up from it if he is._

_Dude, get outta here while you still got the chance. You did what you had to do, know sha-moose you caboose. Carla's waiting for you at home. Her shift ended two hours ago. She'll want to know all about this._

"So anyway, JD, I'm gonna stay." _What are you saying? _"I was gonna go but I wanna stay here and talk to you all night even if I can't think of anything. I'll just sit in silence if I have to. It took me long enough to get into this room, there ain't no way I'm gonna just walk out so easily. I gotta do this. Hope you don't mind."

Turk thought about that day dream he'd had earlier. With a chuckle, he knew that JD wouldn't mind his company for a while. Elliot popped her head around the door and hissed for his attention as if JD really was just asleep and she didn't want to wake him.

"I'm going now, I only stuck around to see if you'd do it." She smiled at him. "See you."

"Do you ever come in here?" Turk asked before she could leave.

"All the time." Elliot shrugged. "I don't see what the big deal is, to be honest. He's my boyfriend, he needs me."

"So you really honestly come in all the time, every day?"

"Yeah, just like his mom. If you need proof, I'll be round tomorrow. You'll see me."


	10. Dr Elliot Reid

**_As you probably all already guessed, it's Elliot's turn now. It won't be as angsty as the rest, I'm afraid, and she's not so scared of entering his room either. According to my calculations, she's been in there loads of times and loves visiting her boyfriend. So just expect a few tears and strong words instead... enjoy! xxxNTxxx_**

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**Chapter 10 – Dr Elliot Reid**

There was nothing unusual or scary about walking straight into that ICU room, closing the blinds around the glass windows and taking a seat beside the bed. Elliot had done this one thousand times before, but she had never actually spoken about anything specific as she had come to do today. She had done her best to look nice as she always did, brushing her bangs back into a ponytail to hide the mess and smearing some eyeliner across her lids in a bid to look beautiful for her broken man. She knew he couldn't see her, but it made her feel better about herself.

Lately, she hadn't even been trying to make herself feel better. Today was the day that she would admit her problems and worries to JD and hope that talking to someone would relieve the tension in her body. She felt so tight and wound up all day long, and coming back into this place where Cox had told her she couldn't work from now on was just too much. She had been banned from working, stuck on sick-pay until she could stop herself from cracking up. It wasn't her fault that every patient reminded her of him. Every time she stepped on the cancer ward, it wasn't her fault that she collapsed into tears and ran away to the closet room, only to be found by the Janitor.

He was watching over her now from the corridor, and she knew it. He was pretending to drill at a counter but she could feel him glance at her every so often. He was trying to take care of her.

Elliot didn't need his frickin' help. She'd done this before! She could handle seeing JD. She'd done this... she'd done this before. Just not like this.

"Hey, JD," She started, cheerily as she could, fluffing his pillows. "I got some stuff I really need to tell you about because I think you should know this kinda stuff and no one else knows, I need to get it all off my chest! I just can't tell Carla because she'll tell Turk and then everyone will know and they'll think I can't be trusted to live by myself – which I can! Honest."

She stopped, taking a deep breath and trying to talk slower the second time round. "I've not been doing very well at home, JD. Okay, basically this is how my day is. I get up every morning from the sofa because I can't bear to be in that empty bed alone. I don't eat anything because I already feel sick to the pit of my stomach, and food would make it worse, right? I watch TV but I'm not really paying attention, I'm thinking of you. I still don't eat by lunchtime 'cause I still feel sick and then I walk – that's right, walk – from there to the hospital to see you at the same time every day, and then I talk hollowly about nothing and hope you don't notice I'm looking thinner. I'm wearing the same clothes as last week."

She gulped and continued, the words now falling out of her mouth and a dramatic rate that she couldn't stop.

"I get home from the hospital, and the sickness has gone because I've seen you and you're okay. So I eat a microwave meal, but only half because it's about then that I realize I haven't spoken to anyone all day. I feel a shallow emptiness and aloneness that brings me hurtling back down into reality and I think about if you'd die all night until I fall asleep where I sit and then the cycle begins again."

It was no use; when she looked up at JD again, his eyes weren't open and he didn't jump right up off the bed to hug her better and tell her that everything would be okay. In fact, he just laid there, probably dreaming about that lesbian cloud he and Turk went on about so much. Elliot chuckled at that thought. "I hope whatever you're dreaming about is good."

She patted his legs and stood up, leaning down to kiss his forehead and then biting her lips to stop herself from crying. She didn't want to leave, though, because her fears hadn't been comforted yet. If she did leave, she'd go right back to that empty flat and just die. She knew that what she was doing to herself wasn't healthy, but she would rather die too than live another second without JD by her side.

"I've been thinking." She started, not ready to go. "About what you asked me before. And my answer is yes – yes, of course I'll marry you! I understand that you asked me because you were under a lot of pressure to do things before you died, and that's perfectly reasonable. Most people go through that. But the thing is, I would marry you even if you weren't... and I want to have your children and everything. We could be happy, me and you, if you'd just wake up."

No, not even a flutter of eyelids. Wherever the subconscious JD was, he couldn't hear a word she was saying. There was no point to this – if he couldn't hear her then why was she nattering about nothing every day! Why pour her heart out to a lifeless _thing?_ There was so much she couldn't get her head around right now, and everything she thought of was contradicted by something else in her mind. It was like her brain wouldn't allow her to see sense in anything now.

"I'll come back tomorrow, anyway." She admitted defeat, feeling deflated and tired. "Same time, same place, huh? Yeah... I just hope you're eyes open next time. I miss those things."

The Janitor wasn't pretended to not notice now, having stepped into the room and put an arm around her shoulder. She would've screamed but all of her energy filtered out into a small outtake of air that made her feel like her lungs might collapse.

"Hey," She tried instead, softly.

"You need to get outta here." The Janitor pointed out. "C'mon, have a burger with me. Scooter will be fine on his own for a while, yeah? Eat something."

"I'm not hungry."

"I know what you said to him. I know what you're doing to yourself. It's not good, Blonde Doctor, and I won't allow it."

"But JD doesn't understand how much I need him to wake up yet!" She persisted.

"Everyone's been in and outta here for weeks telling him to wake up, I'm sure he gets the picture. And if you're still worried after that burger, I'll get Ted's band to sing him a song. How about that?"


	11. The Brain Trust

**_As you'd probably guessed, it's the Janitor's turn now but also with special guest appearances, not just himself. Ted, the Gooch and the Peons are here, Doug I do believe, and The Todd may randomly high-five anyone passing by. And Elliot's still there 'cause the Janitor made her. It'll be like a party. Enjoy! xxxNTxxx_**

* * *

**Chapter 11 – The Brain Trust**

The Worthless Peons were at the foot of JD's bed with Ted at the lead and the Gooch sat in a chair in the corner lightly playing her ukulele and smiling brightly. The Todd and Doug swayed to the rhythm with their hands behind their backs, almost like back-up dancers, whilst the Janitor excitedly showed off his demonstration to Elliot. She had a tissue with her and she nodded as he pointed at Ted's band.

"Which song did you pick?" She asked, dabbing her eye.

"I picked the song." Ted piped up. "It's a Snow Patrol song that isn't very well known but I think we can pull it off."

"Is it sad?" She sniffed.

"Yeah but you'll be fine." Ted half smirked and then his eyes went serious. "It's hard to do this kind of song on a ukulele so bear with the tune change. And 1,2,3..."

_All this feels strange and untrue  
And I won't waste a minute without you_  
_My bones ache, my skin feels cold  
And I'm getting so tired and so old  
The anger swells in my guts  
And I won't feel these slices and cuts  
I want so much to open your eyes  
'Cause I need you to look into mine  
Tell me that you'll open your eyes..._

Elliot sobbed into the Janitor's chest and he cued Ted to stop singing.

"No, I'm sorry, keep going..." She said through gulps. "It's beautiful, it's just perfect! I'm sorry, I can't help the crying."

"It's okay, we'll stop, right Ted?" The Gooch put her instrument down and nodded vigorously.

"You practised for, like, ever, though."

"It's okay." Ted looked down. "It happens all of the time anyway."

"Can you all say a few words to JD for me, please?" Elliot asked. "It's just that they say it does coma patients good to hear a few words from the people they know. It might help him to wake up."

"Yeah?" The Todd agreed by walking over to the bed with his hands on his hips. "Dude, you missed like the best pudding today at lunch. The Todd misses you. Wake-up-five!"

"Todd, no!" The Janitor grunted at his friend, who was already in the position to high five a comatose body. "Alright, Doug, off you go."

"Uh..." Doug moved forward as The Todd left the room and took the seat beside JD's bed, fiddling with his fingers because he was so nervous. Doug had never been that good in bad situations such as this one. "Uh, Dr Dorian? You were a good friend to me, and you always had my back, sort of. You didn't mock me like the other doctors do. So if you don't wake up, you'll just be letting me down. Please wake up."

"That'll do, Doug, move it along." The Janitor wavered at him, pushing him out of the room. "Ted."

"But I sang!" Ted moaned.

"Go on," The Janitor raised an eyebrow and flicked his head in the direction of Elliot. "Do it."

"Aww..." Ted grabbed hold of the Gooch's hand and they both went up to JD's bed. "I hope you wake up soon JD because you're a good person. Gooch?"

"I don't know you very well but you seem kinda nice." She shrugged. "Hope you're dreaming nice things!"

"You two suck at this, get out." The Janitor frowned at them. "Go on, take your Peons with you."

Elliot laughed once they were on their own, and the Janitor shifted uncomfortably. "What?"

"You shout at everyone for not doing it right," She pointed out. "But I bet_ you_ don't say anything to him."

"Yeah I will." He scowled.

"Go on then!" She giggled, pushing him towards the bed. He tried to protest but gave in and stared down at the body below him. JD seemed kinda small and child-like (more so than usual) from where he lay. The Janitor sat down to try and change that but it didn't do much. There were purple marks beneath Scooter's eyes that indicated just how poor the experience was for the usually happy doctor. The Janitor sighed loudly.

"I miss my sparring partner." He began. "Without you around, there's no point in circling this place with my mop just so that I can do it all over again the next day. I miss being able to randomly attack and spook you. If you don't wake up, I might just have to quit. Actually, no, you'd like that. It's too easy. I think of another way of torturing you. Or... you could just wake up and I'll leave you alone."

"That's... enough now." Elliot grimaced, taking the Janitor's hand and ushering him away. "So sorry JD for these idiots. We'll all be back tomorrow anyways, so don't think you got away lightly!"

"Hey, let go of me." The Janitor growled. "Look, if you let go of me I'll treat you to another burger. How's about it?"

"If it's all the same to you, I'd rather just sit at home and rock myself to sleep again." She answered. "I've got a date with the sofa. See you tomorrow, though."

The Janitor watched after Elliot with a serious look on his face. The song lyrics before were all too apt for her situation; she needed some help. But how could anyone convince her to start looking after herself with the state she was in?


	12. The Rescue

**_And now things begin to kick in. Elliot's in for a rough ride I'm afraid. Since JD's comatose I decided that most of the storyline is going to be centred around her and how she is coping. Enjoy! xxxNTxxx_**

* * *

**Chapter 12 – The Rescue**

The Janitor snuck into JD's room without anyone noticing and stood with his legs apart, arms crossed, the same hard expression he used day in and day out on his face. Yesterday, he had attempted to cheer up Elliot as she seemed to be spiralling into depression pretty quickly, but it hadn't helped at all. Now he needed to see the man behind it all and tell him what for. He strode over to the bed but didn't sit down to talk – there was no time chit-chat. All he needed to do was explain everything to that mousse-haired idiot. The machinery bleeped and the Janitor sighed, uncrossing his arms and rubbing his forehead with his index finger and thumb.

"Look, I know I didn't exactly say much yesterday," He spoke, closing his eyes as if that would make things easier. "But I didn't have much to say, not in front of Blonde Doctor. If you can hear any of us then you probably know about what she's got herself into; it's a suicidal rut. I know we don't usually get along, and partially that's my fault – but mostly yours – so here's the deal: I'm going to help Blonde Doctor get out of that weird phase but only if you promise to wake up afterwards, okay?"

The Janitor looked down at the unresponsive body of JD below him and mused for a second or two before continuing. "Okay, I'm going to do it anyway because... this is my final gift to you. There's this tiny part of my mind that tells me I'd be sad if you were to die, so just in case you do, this is my present, okay? Remember it when you're in heaven and don't go haunting me 'cause I don't think God will be too happy if I torture one of his angel-ghost thingys." A small laugh. "Anyway. I'm gonna go before you think we're pals because we're not. This is a one-off."

Of course JD didn't answer or acknowledge his presence, but the Janitor liked to think that he'd gotten through to him. Plus he didn't have time to be standing around talking to half-dead guys – he had to save Elliot from herself. He could do it all by himself, get all the credit and then if JD did wake up, he'd rub his victory in his face along with his dust-cloth. Yeah, things would soon be back to normal.

The Janitor hated change.

It was early morn, so before his shift probably began at 7:00am, he decided to go to JD's flat where Elliot seemed to be crashing. He knocked hard on the door and no one came to answer, but he definitely heard someone inside moan. He knocked again. Still no answer.

"Let me in!" He shouted.

"People are sleeping in here!" Elliot shouted back.

"It's the Janitor, I'm here to help you."

"I don't need any help, thanks, now leave me alone."

He rolled his eyes and was thinking about barging into the door, but then he'd have to pay to replace it and she might even accuse him of breaking and entering... yes, even at a time like this his selfish streak stuck out as obvious as a red demon in heaven. He tried to argue with himself, but in the end he just trotted back to his van and began his shift at Sacred Heart. No one would miss Elliot – she never came anymore anyway. But surely three-four weeks of starvation must've been taking its toll by now.

Turk was really worried about a close friend of his. Last time he had seen Elliot was just before his intimate talk to JD, and even that was a few days ago now. Sure, she didn't really pop in much, only to inspect the care of her boyfriend. But when he'd seen her... Turk remembered her messy hair, her purple-rimmed eyes and the same clothes she'd been wearing the day JD was announced comatose. And how much _thinner _she had looked.

"I mean, I know Elliot's slim anyways but I mean _thin._" He concluded to his wife. "That girl's seriously doing damage to herself right under our noses and no one knew."

"This is my fault." Carla groaned. "I should've been a better friend; I just assumed that she wanted to be on her own and I never tried to visit."

"Baby, you did try to visit, remember?" Turk pointed out. "She told us to get lost so we never went back, that's when you decided she needed space."

"Are you completely sure that she's looking like that?" Carla insisted. "She's been in and out of here for weeks and no one's noticed any change."

"Because no one's been focussing their attention on that blonde bimbo." Dr Cox joined in the conversation as he approached to fill in a chart. "Ghandi, everyone's so wrapped up in how your boyfriend is doing no one thinks to check up on her."

"That's true," Carla nodded. "A lot of people got wound up about talking to him; has anyone stopped to think how hard everything is on Elliot? We should go see her now."

"No point." Turk shrugged. "If she don't wanna see us then she's not gonna open her doors. We can't help her."

"Frankenstein over there went to see her this morning." Dr Cox nodded over to the Janitor who looked up at the mention of his nickname. "I overheard him talking to his Brain Squad."

"Firstly, it is not a squad, it's a trust." The Janitor clasped his hands together to symbolise what he meant. "Secondly, yes I did go over there and no she did not let me in. I don't think she wants to see anybody."

"Well it's not her choice." Carla puckered his lips and put a hand on her hip. "Baby, we're operating a rescue plan. Perry, you in?"

"Must I be?" Dr Cox complained, but sighed and gave in after a hard look from his favourite nurse. "Fine but don't expect me to be useful in any way."

"Great." Carla smiled. "Janitor, I'm guessing you want in."

"As my gift to Scooter, I believe it's important that I have a say in it, yes." He nodded dramatically.

"I'll get Kelso from coffee shop, Cox, you get Jordan." Carla ordered them about. "If we're going to do this, we need all the people we can get."

"You really think that she-devil is going to want to play the game?" Dr Cox scrunched up his face.

"You can always try." Turk shrugged. "I've seen her talk to Elliot before without getting bored half-way through and just hopping off. Dude, this isn't for enjoyment. This is like a mission or something."

"That's exactly what it is." Carla raised her eyebrows. "She needs our help and she's gonna get it no matter what she says she wants."

"True that." Turk grinned. "I like it when my woman gets all protective!"

Dr Cox, Jordan, Kelso and the Janitor all watched as Carla knocked on the door, tenderly at first, and then waited for someone to answer. The Janitor exchanged a knowing look with her and she tried again, banging harder on the wood until it scraped at her knuckles. She heard a groan from inside and gave a loud tut.

"Come on, Elliot, I just wanna see you." She called.

"I don't wanna see anyone." Elliot replied.

"It's just me." Carla persisted. "No one else is here, I promise you. I only came round because I borrowed JD my favourite care-bear hug mug and I wanted it back."

"Hug mug?" Elliot paused, apparently considering. "I remember that..."

"Yeah you do. Open the door."

"...no. I know what you're trying to pull, and I'm not buying it."

"Ugh..." Carla murmured, looking at the floor and cursing in Spanish. "Janitor, can you knock down the door for me, please?"

"Will I have to pay for it?" He quizzed.

"Nope." Carla shrugged, and he nodded once, backed up, and rammed into the large wooden door before him. It didn't budge. He sighed, reared up once more and slammed into the wood. Still nothing.

"Hurry up before someone see's, you great lummox!" Dr Cox growled.

"Alright!" The Janitor bit back, taking a large step backwards this time and forcing his shoulder into the door. It really hurt! Luckily, this time round the door actually managed to swing, not coming off of its hinges but definitely breaking its lock. Elliot, shocked, almost fell from her position curled up on the couch and glared at the band of people as they walked in one by one.

"I said no!" She squeaked, wincing.

"Oh, my God, Elliot, you're so weak." Carla sympathised, rushing towards her friend whilst Jordan rolled her eyes and noticeably sighed. Carla gave her the evil eyes. "I'm sorry that we're wasting your precious time!"

"She obviously doesn't want our help." Jordan scoffed. "I could be doing something constructive like getting that lipo I need instead of trying to talk down a selfish brat."

"Score one for Jordan." Dr Cox smiled, fist bumping his ex-wife.

"Is that how you guys see me?" Elliot looked around the bunch of people around her. A couple of them looked bored, one concerned, one indifferent and finally... why was Kelso eating a muffin? She shook her head and decided to stick with her guns. "Look, I don't care if I upset you. If you wanna go then just go, I don't wanna be a burden. I'm happy staying as I am."

"But you could kill yourself, you're so skinny!" Carla yelled.

"At least I'd be with JD!" Elliot screamed, standing up quickly and holding her stomach. "Just leave me alone! I don't need your help no matter how horrible you are to me, are how bad you make me feel about myself! I don't care anymore! I just want my JD back! I wanna take back what I said to him! I want to hold him!" That's when the tears began to roll down her furious face, choking her efforts to speak. "I wanna marry him and have kids and then we could live in the suburbs in a nice house... you guys don't understand, you should've seen his face when I said no!"

Carla looked down, and even Jordan unfolded her arms and looked at Perry beside her. "Let's go." She murmured. "This girl obviously isn't listening to us."

"That's it give up on her." Carla gritted her teeth. "You guys, come on!"

"No, no, no." Kelso raised one brow and put his hands behind his back. "That little princess wants us to give it her way without even considering Dorian's feelings."

"JD's in a coma." Elliot replied sourly.

"What if he wasn't?" Kelso shrugged. "Have you ever stopped to reason with yourself how much it would pain that young hippy to see you acting this way? For God's sake, woman, get a grip! If he was to wake up today and see you in this state he would be devastated. Shape up and fly right! He needs you! We all need you!"

"I'm not letting you back into the hospital until you get yourself back on track." Dr Cox put in. "You can visit him but you can bet your ass that you're job is on the line here. Get it together."

Elliot looked like she might cry. Carla rubbed her arm gently. "We're doing this for you; the truth hurts."

"Does it." Elliot nodded, face like thunder. "Well then you'll understand when I say this. Carla, you act like you know everything but you don't, and you were so scared to see JD that you went running to your 'man' for help who by the way couldn't even go in there himself till I showed up. Kelso, you're old fat and ugly and you need to get a life before you die. Jordan, get anymore lipo and they'll be no more you – so just keep doing it and do us all a favour. Dr Cox, I've given up and trying to please you, so don't give me one of your oh-so delightful hate-speeches that you think get people on the right track because we're all sick and tired of hearing your voice. Get out. Now!"

Carla bit her lip and turned away from her friend, finally giving up the fight and whispering something in Dr Cox's ear. But as they all turned to leave, some looking bored, the Janitor didn't. In fact, he walked over to Elliot with a frown. "You forgot to mention me."

"Oh, right..." She sighed and put her head in her hands. "It's okay, I'll get you later. I'm... I'm really tired..."

"You need food." The Janitor half-smiled. "Can I help? I kinda promised JD that I would."

"You what?" Her forehead creased.

"My gift to him. I'm making you better so that when he wakes up you look as pretty as you did when he fell into the coma-thingy."

"That's... wonderful!" She almost laughed. "That's so thoughtful... you really think he'll be disappointed when he wakes up and see's me like this?"

"No." The Janitor shook his head. "I think it'll break his heart."

_Beep, beep. _As she was about to close the front door, Carla's phone gave out a tone and she suddenly began to panic, running back into the apartment and calling the others to run back too. Jordan moaned and stumbled in, collapsing into a chair, whilst Dr Cox and Kelso stayed outside in the hallway.

"What is it?" Dr Cox asked.

"I told Turk to text me if there was an update on JD's coma, you know, whilst he watches over him for us..." Carla explained hurriedly, and suddenly everyone was listening. "This could either mean good news or bad news..."

* * *

_**Ooh... which is it going to be? Good news? Has JD woken up? Or bad news? Has he gone in deeper? Well that all depends on how evil I feel...**_


	13. Dr John Michael Dorian

**_Now, how evil am I feeling? I guess you'll have to continue reading to find out ;)  
xxxNTxxx_**

* * *

**Chapter 13 – Dr John Michael Dorian**

_My eyelids feel sticky and tight. I tried to open them earlier but they were too heavy and I didn't feel strong enough. It was weird, because I tried to lift my arms too but they were like dead weights, my fingers tingling. I could sort of hear things but they sounded distant and far-off; a beep, someone talking and someone cheering. There were claps and stuff, but my memory is so hazy. Am I waking up from surgery? I hope it went well. I should've done; I'm not dead. Or am I?_

_I'm dead, aren't I? Typical! Tell you what though, I had a really strange dream whilst I was sleeping... it was the weirdest thing. No one told me I'd dream like that._

_I suppose being dead wouldn't be so bad – for one thing, I'd be in heaven, which means Lesbian Cloud, here I come! But I think I might miss a lot of people. I could ask God if I could come back to Earth every now and then as a ghost. I'm sure the big guy wouldn't mind much. I'd get the chance to say a proper goodbye to Turk and Elliot and everyone else. Am I in heaven right now? That's probably why I sometimes get a really bright light flashing in my eyes. Someone keeps pulling my eyelids up and shining at me – is this some kind of initiation ceremony? Yeah... that's why I can't move. Deciding whether I belong in Hell or not. I've been good, I swear!_

_Maybe I should say something to this Angel-dude, introduce myself, or would I just put my foot in my mouth? I'm kinda stupid at things like this. I guess I'm a little goofy. Okay, a lot goofy._

_Damn it, there's that light again! It's beginning to hurt. I can hear voices too, they're getting louder. I need to do something and tell them to stop hurting my eyes! I'll try to lift my arm again, to poke him in his. See how he likes it._

_I... can't... quite... do it... gaaah! That hurt, but at least it got him moving. They're all talking louder now, something to do with me being awake? I don't understand. Of course I'm awake, you've been attacking me with heavenly beams for two minutes! Or is time different up here? I hope they don't send me to Hell for trying to move._

_Okay, so my eyes are slowly opening... everything's so blurry and out of focus. The Angel-dudes are moving around pretty quickly, talking really fast, I can't make out what they're saying. Hey! That one looks like Turk! Wait a minute... that is Turk..._

_Oh God, is he dead too? Did he get worried about my surgery and commit suicide? Wait, more things are making sense. Those Angels... they're not Angels. They're nurses. And there's a doctor. Turk's laughing and jumping around, I survived the surgery, I'm not dead! I get it now! But I'm only waking up, what's so weird about that? Why are they panicking like that? Why are they so happy? Patient's are supposed to wake up, right?_

_Wait, I've got an oxygen mask on. That's weird, I can breathe fine. That beeping noise, it's machinery. I don't need that, do I? There are tubes in my nose! What the hell...?_

_Turk's being pushed out of the room; he's texting someone. Hey, I'm in the ICU. I don't get it! God, I feel so tired... it's like I can't piece anything together. I'm a doctor, I should be able to do that! Whoa, my arms hurt so much. How long have I been laid in this position? Jeez..._

_They're talking to me. I can't speak... it's physically impossible._

_That dream... I remember it... no, wait, I don't. It was so weird, and now I can't think what happened in it... Jessica was there! Good ol' JP... and everyone else was there. It was so strange. People kept saying weird things to me... Jessica explained it, I remember, but I don't... I'm so confused..._

_That's right! She said I was in a massive coma and that I was dreaming and that any echoing voices I heard were people in reality and that I shouldn't be scared._

_Oh, crumbs._

_Massive coma._

_Strange dream._

_Echoing voices._

_No wonder Turk's doing a happy dance._

_I should try and say something – but my mouth's so dry. At least my eyes are open... they're so sticky. I'll try to blink it out... that nurse is smiling at me. I know her... Nurse... something..._

_Turk's back, yay! I need to see him. I need to hug him! I need an Eagle! Why was I in a coma again? Jessica didn't explain that bit. I wonder how the real JP is after her seizure before? It's weird how I remember stuff like that... Turk's coming over, the doctors and nurses and left. It's probably because I'm awake and breathing by myself. But those tubes are still in my nose, they're so uncomfortable. I still can't move my arms, but I can wiggle my fingers and toes!_

_Turk's sitting next to me. I can't even smile, all I can do it look at him. He looks pleased though; I'm sure he understands that I feel the same way. I really want to talk to him._

"Hey, buddy!" _He's talking to me, this is so frustrating! _"I can't believe you're awake, that is so awesome! Dude, you missed some weird stuff around here. The Janitor actually got Ted and his band to sing to you, how cool is that?" _I don't remember that in the echoing voices. The only thing I remember from the Janitor is... Elliot! Oh, my God, I hope she's okay..._

"Elliot's in a bad way, JD." _He's a mind reader. A damn straight mind reader, I say! _"But it's okay, cos people are over there now trying to convince her that things will be okay. Well, they don't need to convince her, cos you're awake. I think they'll be here soon. You'll get to see her again. She has some awesome news for you, V-Bear."


	14. The Chemotherapy

**_Yay, he woke up! You should all remember what Elliot's awesome news was, and if you can't, then this chapter will reveal all. We're back in JD's perspective like before, so except a little goofiness, maybe some cancer-related angst and an eagle. Enjoy! xxxNTxxx  
Italics = JD's narration  
Bold = JD's imagination_**

* * *

**Chapter 14 – The Chemotherapy **

It had been several hours since JD had opened his eyes for the first time. Turk had stayed with him for half an hour before the nurses declared him to be needing rest, and so they made the poor excitable surgeon get back to work.

_Rest? They think I need rest? What do they think I've been doing for the past three months?_

JD, irritated, leaned to one side and found it quite easy to fall to sleep, which, when he awoke, made him angry of himself for succumbing to it. He had laid there for a long time afterwards, staring at the ceiling of the ICU ward and making strange patterns with the tiles in his mind. Admittedly, he was bored and there wasn't much anyone could do. Plus, he felt different and new. Dr Wen was his doctor at the moment, because for some reason Dr Cox was otherwise indisposed and he was the surgeon who had sliced him open. As the Asian man approached his bed with a smile, JD found himself sighing relief from his lips that he didn't have to deal with a sadistic, narcissistic mentor who actually hated his very guts.

Dr Wen didn't stay long, though. He just explained about the surgery and what would happen now.

"We managed to get the tumour out," He told JD with a positive smile. "But as you know, the cancer did spread a little so chemotherapy will be starting in three hours. It's just lucky that you spotted this thing as early as you did – things could be a whole lot worse."

_A whole lot worse? _JD thought as Dr Wen exited the room and a nurse came in to turf him back to the cancer ward. _Things couldn't be any worse! My memory may be hazy from the time before the surgery, but I still remember some things. I remember hating everyone for abandoning me, but I'm sure I forgave them all too, right? And then I proposed to Elliot... oh God, she said no. Because I'm a dying loser. And I remember people talking to me when I was in that coma, the Janitor was clearer than them all. He said that Elliot was in a bad way, he told me she wasn't eating and that she was killing herself._

_I have to make her stop. But how can I do that from here, and why haven't they all visited me yet? I don't need any rest!_

When he was finally shipped into a comfortable bed in the cancer ward, he noticed that a few beds down and in the opposite direction was where he had been stationed before (He was actually in the special post-surgery post-coma glass-walled rooms whereas the other beds were just lined up before each other like in the ICU). He grinned and tried to look at the one next door to that at where Jessica should've been, but that one was occupied by someone else as well, an old man. Where was Jessica? He decided to reiterate his thought into speech as another nurse came to insert the IV.

"Is there a patient in here called Jessica... uh... Jessica P? I can't think of the last name."

"Peacock?" The nurse mused helpfully, to which JD nodded eagerly. "I'm afraid she passed away three months ago."

"Three... I was... how?" JD stammered, the words escaping his mouth too early for his brain to have

"She had a seizure which caused an inconvenient trauma. She slept that night and her vitals went down, they never rose. We had to turn off the machine." The nurse explained, by then done with the IV so she could walk away carelessly.

"Oh." JD swallowed, a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach reminding him that he was all alone again; his cowgirl was... was dead. He slid his head beneath the covers and tried to sleep, but it wouldn't come as easy this time. There was a small bathroom-type mirror propped up on a crash tray that had been left nearby, and because he felt weird, he decided to check out what it was that made him feel that way.

_Oh no..._ His hair was gone, leaving behind nothing but stitches at one side of his head. He tried to touch the baldness with his hand, and it felt bumpy and unwelcome. Along with that, someone had shaved his beard away, probably one of the nurses, so that he now just looked like a hairless stranger in the mirror before him. Yes, he had shaved his head before, but that time it grew back. Would this ever grow back?

_I'm hideous._

Later still, JD had seen The Todd walking past so he asked for his headscarf, which resulting in a high-five for surviving the coma and then a weird sex-move as he pulled another from his pants. JD asked if maybe he could have the one on his head because although it may have come for there as well, it would be less uncomfortable to wear. The Todd had agreed and whipped the bandana off, threw it at JD and then whipped the pants-dwelling one onto his head quick like a ninja.

Sleep once again was difficult to come by, and he was getting suspicious of the guys not even passing by his bed during the working day. But just as he thought that, karma kicked in and everyone he knew and loved were walking towards him in a group, all grinning madly bar a couple. There was Carla, Turk, Kelso, Jordan, Dr Cox, Elliot and even the Janitor. Somehow this group of clearly rowdy people entering his cubicle-like glass room made him smile.

They all spoke at once and he winced.

"Hey, one person at a time, please!" He laughed.

"It talks!" Turk announced. "Dude, when I was up her earlier you couldn't do nothin' but wiggle your fingers about."

"I've slept since then." JD battered the joke aside and tried to focus his attention away from himself. "So you all came and spoke to me?"

"You remember that?" Dr Cox grimaced and JD decided that maybe he would obey the older man's threat of keeping it to himself.

"No, not yours." JD gave him a look and then moved on to the one person he really wanted to see right now. "Elliot, I know about you not eating, what's up with that?"

"Hey, coma patients do hear you." The Janitor cheered, receiving dirty looks from everyone else, especially Elliot who just looked betrayed. "Give me a break, it was before the pact not to tell him. I had to say something. And anyway, he woke up straight after, so it must've been what I said."

"Not the point." Elliot glared, then softened when she turned to JD in his bed. "Look, I'm so sorry, I know I shouldn't have done it but imagine if it were me laid in that bed all that time! What would you do?"

JD didn't have an answer to give; it was difficult to even begin to think of Elliot in the state he was in now, so he guessed he would just have to ignore her past and focus on her future – by making her eat and fattening her up good! The rest of the group over-looked that conversation and Jordan broke away from the pack to lean down and kiss him on the cheek.

"Glad you're better, DJ." She smirked. "Perry was a mess."

"You devil woman." Dr Cox snarled. "I did not give a flying crap what the hell happened because I knew you would be okay. Ignore the horned winged creature to your right."

"S'okay, I heard you." JD nodded along, secretly whooping and dancing in his mind.

"Poppy-cock." Dr Kelso murmured. "We all missed you, sport, and we're glad you're back."

"All of you?" JD cocked an eyebrow directed sternly at the Janitor who, through shock, straightened up and left the room quickly.

Elliot laughed after him. "He did miss you, JD! Even if he won't admit it, I saw him make his little 'speech' and it was amazing!"

"I know..." JD lowered his head in shame. "I heard it."

And they all laughed, that was the weirdest part of this day. It wasn't the waking up with sticky eyes, it wasn't spending hours not being able to talk, it wasn't waking up with no hair and it wasn't the fact that he couldn't fall to sleep – it was that after everything he had been through, everyone could still laugh about random stuff. They looked happy, relieved, and it was strange to think that half of these colleagues of his cared so much for him. It made him ecstatic. It made him beam.

Now all he wanted was his son. "I wanna see Sammy. I wanna take him home with me."

"You know you can't do that," Carla pointed out. "He's Kim's baby too and you can't steal him. Trust me, I understand what goes on inside your head and you're not keeping that boy."

"He's my son too..." JD added bitterly, looking down and fumbling with the sheet. "When can I get outta here?"

"After chemo." Dr Cox coughed, stepping forward. "I'm your doctor again, I'll be in charge of the whole thing. You can have a couple people here with you during the process, if you like."

"Elliot, Turk?" JD smiled up at them hopefully. Turk agreed straight away, nodding enthusiastically and saying something about getting busy with his bezzy. No one stopped to ask him what that meant as he was already in full blown 'my friend is alive' dance. Meanwhile, Elliot's face fell and she sucked on her bottom lip hard. "What's up? You don't wanna come?"

"I do, honestly." She sighed. "It's just... the thought of seeing you in pain."

"I won't be in pain." JD frowned. "Right, Dr Cox?"

Kelso laughed and left the room, leaving Elliot's eyes to widen in panic. Dr Cox shook his head and stared into space incredulously, words not actually leaving his mouth as the lips moved up and down. Jordan scoffed at him and shifted her weight from one foot to the other, arms folded, face bored.

"I've got to go now, Bambi." Carla piped up, sensing the distress in the room and poking Turk in the side. "I'll see you later tonight." She left, and JD strained his neck to watch her go. Jordan shrugged and left too, without so much as a word of goodbye. Dr Cox shook his head at her but still smiled, obviously smitten with her devilled ways.

"So when's this thing poppin'?" Turk asked.

"The chemo? As soon as we can get going, which is up to young Newbie over there." Dr Cox answered. Elliot wiped her cheeks and nodded.

"Let's do it." JD decided. "The sooner the better, I say."

_As I've said before, chemotherapy is just poison pumped into your veins, depending on the circumstance. I got a choice and I thought that it would be less painful that way. So Dr Cox set up the needle with the help of a nurse whilst Turk and Elliot watched from the sidelines, and I winced as I felt the liquid slide into my puncture. This was torture – knowing that it was killing my white blood cells. But it would help in the end, so I would just have to make do with it for now._

_Chemo is tiring; it really takes it out of you. Afterwards, I felt so worn out but strangely settled, that I sunk further into my bed and grinned with some kind of insanity. Elliot frowned and played with my hair whilst Turk regaled stories of past surgeries. I was happy that the two most important people in my life were here with me. Dr Cox had left a long time ago, but I didn't mind at all. I knew how he felt, and that was enough for me._

_After a few hours of waiting around, I decided that I wouldn't get any more awake, and that if I wanted to leave this hospital anytime soon it should be now. Dr Wen had said that I could go home and live like normal, only coming in every few months for chemo. If it didn't help, they'd consider radiotherapy, but I hoped it wouldn't come to that. Turk drove me and Elliot back to my apartment. She seemed reluctant._

_As I entered the apartment, I could see why._

"Elliot, this place is a mess!" JD lectured her whilst putting his pre-packed overnight bag onto the floor. "I'm seriously cross!"

"It's just a few old pots and pans," She reasoned. "I'll wash them later. And I'll clean up all the magazines I ripped up, and the picture frame glass..."

"Why would you do this?" JD coughed a little, but was so tired that he didn't want to argue with her anymore. "You know what? It's okay. You said you'd clean it up and I believe you. I'm, err, I'm gonna head off to bed if that's okay?"

"You've had a long day." Elliot nodded. "Of course you can. I'll clean up... oh, before you go, wait!"

"What is it?"

"I've been thinking things through, and I thought about what you said before you're coma, and the future and everything and I've decided something... I really, really want a life with you, John Dorian. So if it's a wedding you want, bring it on."


	15. The Wedding Plans

**_Sorry it took so long! I've been very busy recently, but now I managed to find time to finish up the chapter and upload it. Thank you for your patience. Enjoy! xxxNTxxx_**

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**Chapter 15 – The Wedding Plans**

It had been a few months since the decision of marriage. They had bought a ring with a small, subtle rock with the lack of earnings coming into their accounts; they were currently searching endless magazines for cut-back but classy wedding dresses and decorations, because nothing was going to stop Elliot Reid from getting the wedding of her dreams. JD didn't mind, thought, because what her happy made him happy and the chemotherapy he was receiving made him too tired to care most days anyway; he just ended up saying yes to everything she asked for, no matter how pricey. They'd have to cross that annoying bridge when they got there.

Unfortunately, the gate to said bridge opened up pretty quickly and soon the pair realized that there was no way in hell they'd be able to afford this wedding. Not on her wages and JD's reduced sick pay. Although Elliot was earning a lot at the moment, most of that went into other things like bills and JD's health care. The stress was destroying them.

_But at least she's eating again. It took her several weeks to get used to three meals a day like normal people, but lately she'd been getting better. She even started stealing food from my plate, the thief! I'm so proud of her. It must've been tough for her. I love her so much... I have to get her that dress._

"How about we call up my mom?" JD suggested as he wheeled himself into the hospital cafeteria. He always had to been in a wheelchair after the chemo even if it had been hours, because it tended to weaken the core muscles.

"How do you mean," Elliot frowned, chewing her burger. "You mean like, phone her up and beg for some extra cash? Like that would go down well."

****"You're right." JD scowled. "She doesn't have a lot of money anyway, otherwise Dan would've scrounged some from her a long time ago."

"We could always... nah." Elliot shook her head and widened her eyes.

"What were you going to say?"

"Well... my father's got loads of money." She shrugged. "I know we're not on the best of terms right now but I'm sure if he knows I'm getting married – my mom would like that especially – then maybe they'll be lenient and give us a little boost. It's not like they'll miss it."

"Seems only fair." JD agreed. "Let's do it. Only, could you ring? I'm scared of your dad."

"Yeah, right." Elliot smirked. "I'll do it tonight when you're sleeping, which you should be doing now. Go back to your room."

"But you're not there." JD teased. "I can't stare at your when you're not there."

"Ha, ha." Elliot slapped his hand playfully. "I'm gonna phone now, so be quiet."

"Why the sudden change of mind?"

"Because I just remembered how grumpy dad can be when he's tired so the earlier the better; it's dialling, shush."

JD listened as his beloveds voice got all the more squeaky and panicked as the conversation went on, but all she ever said was 'uh-hu' or 'yea' which made it difficult to translate the actual words being spoken. The most she'd been able to get out of it so far was the first line, which basically was asking who was on the phone. Now, she put the cell onto the table followed by her head and groaned.

"'Sup?" JD frowned.

"They want me to go down there, tonight." She explained, lifting her head and propping it up against her hand and elbow. "He said that he hardly ever gets to see me these days and that it would be nice. He doesn't really know about you yet but... please come? We can ask them then!"

"Oh, that sounds... wonderful." JD mocked. "Please, Elliot, I'm scared of your dad! And your mom, really."

"Aw, why? Come on, it's just one night."

"He doesn't even know that you're engaged! He's gonna kill me!"

"Naw he won't. Just... do it. For me."

"Damn it. I hate it when you say that."

Was it weird that JD had never actually been to Elliot's parents house after so many different relationships they'd shared? They were going to hate him for suddenly turning up wanting to marry her _and _asking for money to pay for the wedding. But, for her, he gritted his teeth and put on his best clothes. Maybe the cancer thing would make them feel sorry for him.

He didn't have to go in a wheel chair, fortunately, but Elliot still wanted to drive. The Reid family home was huge and dominating, consisting of one large wooden-panelled yellow house looming over a manmade lake in Greenwich, with many windows and a couple of different cars in the drive. Obviously her father had gained a lot of cash from being Chief of Medicine and he'd invested well. Her mother didn't even work anymore. They were well-off. But losing all connections to that plastic life-style had meant leaving behind all of the money-ties for Elliot, so now she would have to really beg her father, wouldn't she?

They pulled into the big drive beside the Mercedes and JD gaped at the size of everything. It had taken a long time to get to Greenwich, and it was getting so late that Elliot had packed two over night bags just in case of an emergency stop over. JD didn't plan on that happening at all. They rang the doorbell, and JD was half expecting a butler to answer but instead, it was Mrs Lily Reid, with a half sour, half happy expression on her face. She cupped her daughter's cheeks and tried to smile for her.

"Oh, sweetie." She grimaced. "You look very thin. It makes your face look gaunt. Try putting on some brighter blush, darling."

"Thanks, mom, haven't even got through the door yet." Elliot bitched, and made to walk in but as JD stepped onto the brown shag rug, Lily put an arm out and eyed him carefully.

"What is your scrawny friend doing here?" She asked.

"Mom!" Elliot warned. "Be nice to JD, we have some big news for you."

"Oh, what, tell me-"

"Not until dad's here. Where is he?"

"In the lounge," Mrs Lily waved carelessly, now grabbing JD's arm and dragging him into the room with her. Elliot followed behind, rolling her eyes and gritting her teeth. JD loved the way that only ten seconds in they already felt like murdering her mother. In the lounge, Dr Simon Reid was reading a paper which he threw down to greet the guests in his house, shaking hands with JD vigorously.

"John, what are you doing here too?" Simon asked him with careful slide glances in Elliot's direction. JD really wanted to shout at him for calling him John, but Elliot had seen his annoying face and cut into their conversation quickly.

"JD and I were dating again, dad." She explained, offering them the chance to sit down. "And if you'd even taken time to notice, mom, you'd see that... we're engaged!" She stuck out her left hand firmly, grinning like a child. To make up for his annoyed expression, JD also grinned from ear to ear and clung to his lovely fiancée's hips in excitement. Lily put a hand to her chest, and almost looked upset.

"What about that darling Keith character?" She pouted. "Now he was a catch!"

"I dumped him ages ago, mom." Elliot bit her lip and tugged at JD's sleeve to make her point clearer. "I've been dating JD for a long time, and he proposed a few months ago."

"Months?" Simon growled. "Why has it taken you so long to tell us?"

"Oh, you see, sir, I was in a coma." JD put in now, probably the wrong thing to say at the wrong time.

"You were... what?" Simon frowned, narrowing his eyes.

"JD has an illness." Elliot looked like she might cry from their reactions. "He has brain cancer, but he's really strong and he loves me. I love him. We can make it work."

"How on earth are you going to have children?" Lily looked mortified as she looked JD up and down. Elliot was speechless, and the both of them stared at each other for a couple of minutes. They hadn't thought of that. JD gulped but couldn't speak. Elliot straightened up and looked back at her mother with quiet desperation.

"We don't know if JD's infertile or not... can we change the subject, please?"

"Sure, but when you can't have children, don't come complaining to me."

"Sensitivity is your thing, really, mom."

"So you two are going to get married." Simon interrupted, perfectly casting aside the whole kids thing. "I think that's pretty darn good. I did like Keith though. Good sport... when's the date?"

"Oh." Elliot was beginning to get panicky. JD grabbed her hand and squeezed it, indicating his turn to speak and that he wouldn't muck it up this time.

"Listen, there's a problem with the date. We can't set it yet because we don't quite have the right funding for it... not with me being off work and the amount of bills and our rent to pay. It's really difficult to see us getting any money in the future, even if we saved."

"I get it." Simon nodded repeatedly. "So you thought you'd come sniffing round here for some money. Sweetheart, I cut you off. How are you supposed to learn from your mistake?"

"Mistake?" Elliot snapped. "Dad, just because I didn't choose the path that you set out for me, doesn't make me a bad person. In fact, it makes me independent. I think you should be congratulating me on being able to get on with my life. I'm going to marry JD whether you like it or not, and we _will _have kids one day. You can't stop us. We'll find money somewhere." She shook her head at her mom and then pulled gently on JD's arm. "Come on, let's just go."

They headed for the door, JD feeling a little bit dizzy and almost falling over at the front step, but generally they made it to the drive before Lily rushed out in front of them and told them to stop. Simon joined them then.

"We are proud of you, pumpkin." He said. "If you want some money, then you can have some. How much?"

"Whoa, dad, no, I'm being independent remember?" Elliot half laughed, pushing the cheque book away from her face.

"No." He refused to move and scribbled a number onto the cheque, pushing into JD's chest. "You're not leaving until you take this. I want you to have a fantastic wedding."

"Dad, this isn't like you..." Elliot began, but JD shoved his hand onto her mouth to stop her.

"Thank you, Dr Reid, we'll take the cheque."

Even later that night and back home, Elliot mused over the massive amount of money that her father had just carelessly handed to her. JD knew that the real reason for Simon's need for Elliot to take it was that he desperately wanted to show his daughter the love that he truly felt for her. Her parents had never really shown their love in the past, and this was like his last chance. Lily hadn't been quite so productive, but JD didn't care. As long as they go their invite.

He and his lover where sprawled across his bed, flicking the pages of a wedding dress magazine and trying to pick the perfect one.

"I don't wanna look like a meringue." Elliot decided. "Something simple, but eloquent. Like what Carla had, but less... you know. Long. Do you think short is a good idea? Not, like, mega short, but like above the knee. No, actually, I want to go traditional. Long and flowing. I don't know. There's so many nice dresses."

JD nodded and laughed at her as she explained what the perfect dress would look like and kissed the cheque in his hands. Thanks to her family, she would finally get the perfect wedding day that she had always dreamed of since she was a child. In fact, there would even be money left over if they didn't go insane with it. He could do a lot more. He could do a lot more indeed.

"JD..." Elliot almost cracked her voice, rolling on her back. "Can you do something for me?"

"What?"

"Can you go to the hospital and ask about... you know, your fertility?"


	16. The Fertility Test

**_Eek, JD's gone for 'the test'. Let's see how well it goes, shall we? Short chapter. Enjoy! xxxNTxxx_**

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**Chapter 16 – The Fertility Test**

Of course Dr Perry Cox was still JD's physician which just made this whole experience all the more embarrassing. He had decided to ask for the test after his latest check-up so that perhaps he could slip it into the conversation; Elliot, however, wanted to come with him to also receive the good/bad news, and was currently sat in the corner chair biting her nails and darting her eyes around fearfully. JD was scared too – he didn't want to be any less of a man. Sure, maybe kids would be far off in their future but for now, it was always good to know what they could and could not do.

Dr Cox irritably snarled at JD as he always did on their weekly visits. JD just waved happily and exclaimed: "Hi, Dr Cox!"

Dr Cox mumbled his breath and then turned to Elliot. "He's showing signs of improvement, which is always good. But the latest sessions may leave him worse for wear so don't expect full recoveries."

"Not." Elliot shrugged, without elaboration or so much as a thanks. Dr Cox glared at her and made to leave. "Wait! Can we ask you something?"

"What is it, Barbie? I'm a busy man."

"It's just that with all the chemo and the cancer and everything..." Elliot began, but JD finished before she hurt herself.

"I want a fertility test, please." He tried to grin but all that came out was the annoying little laugh-thing he did sometimes.

"Honestly?" Dr Cox raised an eyebrow and looked at the both of them. "God help us all if the Earth has to suffer mini-Newbie's and mini-Barbie's for the rest of its newly forming generation. You two haven't even tied the knot yet."

"We're gonna!2 Elliot pitched in, smiling happily. "We got a date, a dress and everything."

"You're invited!" JD burst out.

"Oh dear God, puh-lease..." Dr Cox muttered. "Anyway, let's get this over and done with. Go in there and, uh... you know... into this cup for me please. There's a good Newbie."

He whistled and JD grabbed the cup and ran into the bathroom.

_I don't know what I was expecting to come of any of this. I just wanted Elliot to be happy, so what if it turned out that we couldn't have children of our own? Would she leave me? I didn't want her to dump me like Monica and Richard on friends... then again Chandler got away with it... wait, hold up, this is real life. I've got to stop losing my concentration. Damn brain cancer._

_After my 'performance' I gave my sample to Dr Cox and me and Elliot waited in the room for the results. I didn't want her to be here in case it was bad news, so I went to the nurse's station and asked Carla to randomly 'need' Elliot for something when Dr Cox was on his way in. The plan worked; just as Carla pulled Elliot away to take care of a patient, Dr Cox strode in with a chart in his hand. His face was illegible so I just prayed._

_He handed me the chart and I looked down at the news._

"Oh."

Elliot came bustling into the room as Dr Cox left and she gave him a funny look.

"How come whenever I go out or come in, he does the opposite?" She squeaked. "If he's avoiding me, why? And why not avoid me when I'm actually working? Why did Carla think that she could just waltz in here and take me away on my day off, huh? You know what, I think there's something going on." She stopped and her eyes widened when she realised that JD had a chart in his hand. "Are those the results?"

"Yeah." JD nodded. "Dr Cox just brought them in."

"Oh, right." Elliot swallowed and came to sit beside her fiancée. "What does it say?"

"It's... it say's... uh..." JD felt a lump forming in the back of this throat. "We can't have children... I can't... I'm all infertile because of the chemo... no, not any... I'm so sorry..."

As tears rolled down his cheeks and his vision became a blur, he saw Elliot throw a hand to her mouth and heard her sob. He moved forward and embraced her. They stayed like that for what seemed like hours, when actually it was two minutes or so. She cried into him, her words inaudible whilst he stayed silent and allowed for the revelation to truly hit home. They weren't going to have the future he had planned out. Not now, not ever.


	17. The Options

**_Continued from last chapter, was supposed to be on the end but I decided to stop it where I did for 'dramatic effect' or something like that. Anyhoo, here's the second half and what it would have been like. Again, short chapter. Enjoy! xxxNTxxx_**

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**Chapter 17 – The Options**

It was JD who broke the embrace, his heart feeling as though it may actually bolt from his chest and throw itself from a window. Huh. Thinking about his heart committing suicide did not reflect his true feelings, only made him day dream and feel slightly better for a couple of seconds. Then he saw Elliot's red, tear-stained face as she sniffed hard and crinkled into another batch of cries; he didn't want to continue the hug because listening to her sob only made this harder.

"What are we going to do." He didn't ask the question. He sighed it.

"I don't know." Elliot gulped, placing a shaky hand on her forehead. "I mean, it's not like it's the end of the world or anything... but it feels like it..."

"Don't." JD grimaced. "I feel bad enough as it is."

"Why do you feel bad?" She demanded, eyes angrily piercing into his own.

"Well... because it's my stupid sperm." He frowned."

"You got brain cancer, JD!" Her voice reached inaudible heights. "How is it your fault? You can't help it, it was in your genes! I don't blame you... I'm just... I can't believe it, is all."

"Okay, I'm sorry..."

"Don't ever say you're sorry!" Elliot grabbed his face with both of her cold hands, forcing him to look her in the eye. "This is not something that you could control. There is no way you could see this coming. Now, we're going to get married, and we're going to have kids one day."

"How?" He genuinely didn't understand.

"There's all sorts of ways nowadays." She shrugged. "There's always surrogacy. Take someone else's sperm and put them in my eggs or something."

"That's a good idea." JD nodded.

"No, no it's not." Elliot shook her head. "Scratch that. It wouldn't be _ours, _it would just be mine and some other guy's. It's got to be ours, or neither of us."

_Of course, I wasn't listening at this point, because Elliot had a point before. Someone else's sperm! Maybe Turk would donate some, he seemed pretty cool. I wouldn't mind my kid being half-cast or having a cool outlook on life; oh get me, this cancer has given me the gift of being wise. As if! I can still goof around... concentrate, Dorian, more important matters at hand! Hey, look, Dr Cox has just walked in. That's something..._

"Dr Cox, would you donate us some of your lovely sperm so that we can have a kid, please?" JD didn't take a breath as he explained their situation. "You see you've always been like a dad to me and you seem like a nice kinda guy, I know I love you, so would you, please, please, pleeeeease?"

"No!" Elliot answered for his battered mentor at the same time that he himself did.

"Why not?" JD looked hurt.

"For starters, I would never make myself part of the miserably painful soap-opera life-style you kids call the norm." Dr Cox stretched out his vowels in typical rant fashion. "Now let me make this clear: no way in the world, in the solar system, in the universe, would I ever agree to this, I mean, really?"

"Didn't think you would, glad you didn't." Elliot winced. "JD, didn't hear what I said?"

"Sort of." He lied.

_I knew that she'd want to adopt, but, hello? We're not even married yet! Give me a chance, woman... I thought all about everything that had happened today on the way home from the hospital, whilst she drove and I pretended to listen to her incessant ramblings. Wow, my personality really is changing a bit... I should get that sorted out._

_Anyway, back on subject – she wouldn't stop bugging me about adoption. I couldn't help but waver on the idea; I'm not so far into my own treatments to be considering another little person in the apartment. Plus, we were struggling financially as it was. Yeah, we had a massive cheque from her father, but that was easily going to be eaten up by her extravagant wedding plans and by the fact that she now wanted a new house in the suburbs... what the hell was I supposed to do, though, just burst her bubble? I couldn't do that. So instead, I lay awake at night and worry my hair off._

_We're drowning in debts, both financially and emotionally._

_And who knew how many years I had left?_

_What was I going to do?_


	18. The Wedding Day

**_Skipped several months... to the night before the wedding. I'm only going to carry this fic on for a few more chapters, because I really need to start something new before I go insane. As for members of the "My Days With You" fan-club, that baby doesn't know how to end! Anyway, it is split into two parts, the margin will be shown as –MLOTL- as in "my life on the line", thanks, enjoy! xxxNTxxx_**

**_A/N: It's also structured slightly different. Part 1 = Elliot's POV and Part 2 = JD's POV  
Italics = JD and Elliot's narration, depending on POV._**

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**Chapter 18 – The Wedding Day**

_This is it; the day you've dreamed of for so long! You'll now be known as Mrs Elliot Dorian. Wow, it sounds so good! I was going to keep my last name as well, and just hyphen it, but this is better. I want to be 100% his, forever. Plus, Reid-Dorian sounds weird. My initials would be too long. They'd spell out 'erd'! That would be totally un-cool! Wait, calm down, no time to be getting neurotic. You're not going to be called Mrs Erd, you're okay._

Elliot was standing in front of a full-length mirror, admiring herself as she swirled about in the long, slim, white dress that she had picked out especially. In a few hours, they'd be getting married. She'd no longer be single, never allowed to date another man again, but none of that mattered; she was marrying John Michael Dorian, the man of her dreams. The reception would be good. It was just a shame that their song was too upbeat to be played during their first dance, but Ted and his band had promised to try to play "Ever Fallen In Love" acoustically and with a slower rhythm.

She couldn't wait now. There were absolutely no nerves and no fears within, just pure excitement and happiness.

Carla came into her room with her deep red, slim Maid of Honour dress on and immediately cracked a huge grin. "Oh, my God, Elliot! You look adorable! And so sexy!"

"You really think so?" Elliot turned for her friend's benefit and reached out for the veil that hung on her dresser. "Here, put this on for me, I don't want the beads in my hair to fall out of place."

"Here, give it to me," Carla never stopped smiling, even as she carefully placed the white band into Elliot's curled hair and played with her bangs thoughtfully. "Reminds me of my wedding day. Hopefully JD will turn up for yours, though."

"Yeah," Elliot sighed. "He's in the opposite room with Turk, getting ready."

"Kim will knock on your door when it's time to go." Carla explained. "Sammy is going up with the boys and all the braid's maids are here. Me, Kim, Molly and Melody, we're all waiting. All of the best men are also in the other room, but the ring bearer won't stop crying."

"Oh no..." Elliot's face fell for the first time. "What are we gonna do? I can't walk down the aisle with a two year old screeching the whole time! We'll have to call it off, and then JD will leave me for breaking his heart, and then I'll end up an old maid living in someone's basement..."

"Elliot!" Carla grabbed her shoulder and shook her. "Breathe! Everything's going great. Okay?"

"Okay." Elliot forced a smile, pretending that all of the worst case scenario's weren't playing in her head. Everything had been fine until then. Must just be wedding jitters.

Music began to play from somewhere distant, and then there was a knock at the door. Carla squealed.

"Here we go, grab your red roses!"

_Here we go, exactly! I can do this. Nothing bad will happen. I love JD and this is fantastic!_

_Oh, my God, I'm getting married! This is the best day of my life..._

**-MLOTL-**

_This is it; the day you've been planning for so long. You'll have a wife, which sounds so cool! You'd think I'd be terrified of this commitment, but I'm not. It's on my bucket list. That I just made up. Hey, I might die any day soon, I gotta have a list of things to do! Anyway, she's on it, and know I can cross it off. Turk makes marriage look so easy, except for all the fighting he does with Carla. I could learn from his mistakes, I guess. Then again, she usually starts it...ooh, imagine what it would be like being married to Carla... no, not the time!_

JD was stood in front of a full-length mirror, admiring himself the sharp black suit with red trimmings, playing with the gel in his hair and trying to make it look wedding-like. In a few hours, they'd be married. She'd no longer be single, or be allowed to date another woman again, but none of that mattered; he was marrying Elliot Reid, the girl of his dreams. The honeymoon would be good. He'd booked a special holiday weekend to Paris in a swanky hotel (thanks to the glorious cheque her father had produced and it's many uses). If he had any more money, it would've been a week. But he had to think about their future and its involvement.

He couldn't wait now. He felt the happiness and excitement, even though he was overwhelmed by the feeling of being rushed into something.

Turk was stood a little away, texting some people and grinning madly at his friend. "V-Bear, I'm so proud of you, growing up so fast! You look like da shizzle."

"I know, C-Bear!" JD laughed along with his best man. "Can you sort out my cummerbund please? It's all itchy and tight."

"Come here, dude." Turk began to fix it, still smiling broadly. "I'd say something cheesy like it reminds me of my wedding day but, dude, we both know that I can't do that."

"At least I'm showing up to mine." JD rolled his eyes. "Not that yours wasn't just... lovely. Great reception."

"Shut up!" Turk lightly punched him in the gut and then stood up. "I gotta knock on their door when the music starts, you run to the alter and I'll come in after. Ted's band is set up in the corner and all Sean's got Sammy – good choice of ring bearer, by the way, totally awesome if he wasn't crying so much!"

"Sammy's crying?" JD frowned. "Probably upset that I'm not marrying his real mommy, or confused. Wouldn't you be? I'm glad Kim came though. It means a lot to me. I hope she's not too bothered by all of this change..."

"Dude, why would she be?" Turk input. "Listen, everything's going great so far."

"Yeah..." JD sighed, thinking of the worst case scenarios involving Sammy and Kim, but then dismissing them as the usual wedding jitters that all grooms went through at this time.

Music began to play from somewhere distant, and Turk dropped his cell phone accidently, before putting it on silent and placing it on the counter.

"I gotta go knock on the door – get your skinny white butt down that aisle! Here we go..."

_Here we go, exactly! I can do this. Everything's going to be fine. I love Elliot and this is fantastic!_

_Oh, my God, I'm getting married! This is the best day of my life..._


	19. The Ceremony

**_Fluff, fluff, fluff! But I didn't think that you nor myself could handle such a violent amount of warm fuzzy feeling so I added some slight angst in there too for the sake of sanity! It's not really angsty, but will lead on to another storyline within the fic. Yes, it's nearly over now. I can confirm that we are definitely only four chapters away from the end. Okay, maybe five. We'll see how it goes, shall we? Enjoy! xxxNTxxx_**

* * *

**Chapter 19 – The Ceremony**

JD closed his eyes.

He was laying in his hospital bed, the intravenous drip feeding his veins with clear fluids; he could feel it seeping into his bloodstream, pumping through the needle that pierced his skin. It was an odd feeling, somewhere between tranquil and uncomfortable. The bed itself wasn't lumpy, but it wasn't cosy. It was... tolerable. The sheet kept him warm and yet he would always awaken with cold-cramp that paralysed his left foot every time he had an overnight visit. It would soon go away, and it didn't really bother him, but yet it was still there. Every time. The hospital food was sticky and bland, but nourishing and relentlessly relieving. The nurses that came to check the equipment were nice enough – they never really talked to him. They chattered, and muttered, but never acquired conversation.

All in all, it was very middling here. Somewhere between heaven and hell. The nowhere place. Between life and death. He knew that one day, he would die, but for now, he was living. Sometimes just thinking about it made him feel sick and dizzy.

JD opened his eyes.

He was standing on a platform that brought him and a few others higher than the rest of the crowds whom took up the chairs. There were three men in black tuxedo's to his left, namely Turk and Dan, with Sean holding Sammy and his ring-pillow. To his right were spaces for others to fill, probably Kim, Melody and Carla, with Isabella for support. That was an even number on either side. That was good. Directory behind him, a priest stood waiting with an open book, smiling as if all of this was so beautiful; and is was. Every decoration spilt shades of red, white and black, with some hints of gold and bronze. In the guests, there were women in big hats and men with old suits. His mother sat near the front, dabbing her eyes with a tissue. Lily Reid sat at the other end, excited and overwhelmed.

All in all, it was very beautiful here. Like God had decided it would be a good day for a marriage. The happy place. Where he could grin from ear to ear. He knew that one day, they would be back in this church but with decidedly sad tears, for his funeral. Sometimes just thinking about it made him feel sick and dizzy.

The music was nearly at an end, and JD had to concentrate all his brain power into the vision before him. His fiancée, his lover, his soon-to-be-wife, his dream girl, was almost at the podium. Her white dress and red roses dazzled him as he inspected her. Simon Reid let go of his daughter's arm as she stepped up, and soon she was standing directory in front of JD. He knew that the priest had begun to speak but he could not hear him over the noise inside his head. He was cheering and parading in there, just so overjoyed by this moment that it hurt. Wow, his head really hurt.

Even though he could hardly hear everything around him, he still managed to understand that now it was time to remove the veil so that he could see his brides' pretty face – and what a face it was. It was only now that he discovered what a masterpiece her features truly were, and how her smile made him go weak and how her eyes made his own sparkle in pleasure. This was the ultimatum.

Her lips – her oh-so perfect lips – moved up and down as she made her vows. He nodded along and encouraged her with his eyes.

When it was his turn, he said what he had thought all along. Things that only he could understand, things that made him stay up at night.

"Elliot, you amaze me. When I first met you, sure, I was kept in focus by y-your beauty, but after a few chats with you I came to realize that you were more than just that. You were funny, bright, ditzy, sunny and never boring. We've had our ups and downs, mostly my fault, and I apologise for whatever I've done in the past with all my heart because right now, at this moment in time, nothing could stop me from loving you. You're my dream girl."

Sammy gave them the rings – well actually, he cried and Sean handed over the golden circles.

And Elliot giggled, holding back the snort, and her eyes sunk deeper into JD's. And the priest said something else, and they said "I Do", and before he knew it, he was tasting her perfect lips, gripping her perfect waist and thinking about how perfect their life would be after this.

It was just a shame that the pressured feeling in his head wouldn't stop, and he tried his hardest to ignore it.

Ted's band sang their song, and they danced on the floor so that all of their friends and relatives could watched on, most with insanely jealous eyes. The song ensued.

_Ever fallen in love with someone, ever fallen in love, in love with someone  
Ever fallen in... in love with someone you shouldn't fall in love with?  
Fall in love with... ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't fall in love with?_

After their first dance, they cut the cake and JD couldn't help but shove his piece into her closed mouth to see her reaction. That was when everything hit home and suddenly he could hear properly again.

"Hey!" She shrieked, wiping it on his face. "That's my revenge."

"Ooh, I'm so scared," JD chuckled in a joke, giving his a kiss on the forehead. "I think your mom wants to talk to you. That's her jumping up and down with a giant green hat on."

"Oh, right," Elliot laughed. "Okay, I'll be a few minutes. Go mingle. Mr Dorian."

"I will. Mrs Dorian."

They parted ways and JD found himself in front of Perry Cox and co. Jordan, although looking bored, attempted a smile when he waved and then gulped down some wine. Dr Cox rolled his eyes but didn't do much better; he managed to shake his protégée's hand and then fold his arms defiantly. Little Jack had run to the dance floor and was poking Sam in the face whilst Kim tried to stop him, and Izzy stomped her feet by herself. Jennifer-Dillon was in Jordan's arms, sleeping.

"Thanks, Perry." JD flashed a grin at his mentor.

"You do good, kid." It was clear that it pained the older man to say these words, which apparently brought Jordan straight back into a good mood.

"Yeah, DJ, well done." She agreed. "Per, I need to go now. Little JD needs her nap, she's fallen asleep on my shoulder. Here."

She plonked the child onto her father, who grimaced. "Ah, I see that _Jennifer-Dillon _is very tired."

"Doesn't matter how much you over-say it, she'll always be JD." Jordan sighed, heading off. Dr Cox lowered his head and whistled sharply.

"Jackie, we gotta go, c'mon."

JD laughed quietly to himself. He was so glad that Dr Cox could come, what with his own father being dead. But the next person come to congratulate him was someone he did not expect to even turn up. It was the Janitor, with Lady in tow. She was holding her stomach and eating a lot of ham pastries. The Janitor held her hand, apparently dragging her forward.

"You." He nodded towards JD, who looked at him expectantly. "Yeah, uh, seem as though you came to my wedding, uh, we thought it would be nice to come to yours. Good one, too. You make Blonde Doctor happy."

"Thank you." JD said as clearly as he could, hoping that his words wouldn't suddenly turn the bi-polar man into his usual sinister self.

"Aw, honey, sweet." Lady smiled, poking yet another pastry into her mouth.

"You hungry or something?" JD inquired, cocking an eyebrow.

"Oh!" Lady exclaimed, indicating to the food in her hand and laughing before finishing it off.

"It's a damn craving." The Janitor grunted. "Been stuffing anything savoury in her cake-hole."

"She's... you're pregnant?" JD widened his eyes, and the Janitor did this also.

"What, I didn't tell you?" He winced. "Aw, man. I told everyone! Can't believe word didn't get around..."

"Whoa, well, uh, congrats, I guess." JD told them, baffled. Lady nodded in appreciation before she was dragged away once again. JD, still in shock (and unable to contemplate everyone knowing but not him) made way towards his brother to see what he had to say for himself.

"Hey, little brother!" Was Dan's punctual greeting. They clasped hands and hugged. "Wanna say, awesome catch my bro, that Elliot chick is pretty sweet. Glad you got her, though. Have fun. Marriage is _hard_."

"How would you know?" JD eyed him carefully.

"Oh, what, I didn't tell you about Vegas that time? Nah, don't matter. Mom's here, look, look at mom, whatta beauty. Hey mom, get over here."

JD embraced his mother the most, not really wanting to let her go. She hadn't taken the news about his cancer very well but he hadn't really been able to see her since waking up. Apparently, she visited often with Dan, and was the one who changed his flowers every day. He loved his mom dearly.

"My baby boy is growing up fast." She whispered in his ear. "First med school, then a proper doctor, a grandson and now marriage."

"Maybe the last part should've been the other way round, huh?" JD joked.

"No, no, no, Sam is a gorgeous baby."

_I'm getting a bit annoyed with the amount of people who want to congratulate me. I haven't see Elliot in a few minutes, and all I really want to do is go on our honeymoon now. My head is killing me and now my hands are shaking. I get worse the longer I leave the Chemo. I saw Dr Cox looking at me funny earlier when I was stood waiting for the ceremony to start. I don't want to spend any more time shaking hands with people I already know and love._

Finally, JD found himself sat at a table with his wife by his side and his best friend opposite. Carla and Elliot spoke quickly in girl-code-speed so that Turk and JD were left to their own devices, which of course led them to the question of:

"Will we still hang out as much?"

"I don't think so." JD answered, scrunching up his nose. "We're both married, you got a kid and one on the way, I'm getting a kid and already have Sammy - we've got priorities, man."

"Yeah, you're right." Turk sighed. "It'll be alright. You'll still be my number one dude. I'll ring and we can hang in the kids park when they play."

"Right." JD agreed.

_Eight years ago, did we ever see ourselves in this place? I know I didn't._

_Ugh, my head. I close my eyes... and I'm back in the hospital. I open my eyes, and I'm at the reception. I know where I'd rather be, and that decision means that I never sleep at night anymore. Just sometimes when I blink it flashes for a second, and it drives me insane. I can never close my eyes. Otherwise, I might die. Mightn't I?_

* * *

**_In case some of you don't quite understand the "two worlds" part, it's something to do with psychology. JD is afraid of death, and so he believes that if he closes his eyes he might not get to open them ever again. Therefore, his brain is creating an image of where he last felt real pain. Thanks for reading, please review xxxNTxxx_**


	20. Help MeThe New Family Member

**_More JD scary psychology stuff plus some more Dr Cox-ness which, admit it, everyone loves! We're just about wrapping up this story now. There are only a few more things that need to happen first... also, at the end of this chapter, we get a glimpse of the next one, i.e. Elliot and JD adopting a child. Enjoy! xxxNTxxx_**

* * *

**Chapter 20 – Help Me/The New Family Member**

The weather was unfortunate as the pitter-patter of rain drops got harder and more violent, releasing a full blown torrential downpour that sounded like it might hammer the window in. JD stared at the blurry mess of the glass and felt himself drift off ever so slightly.

_Okay, I admit it, I've got a problem. I thought I could ignore it but just by closing my eyes my world turned upside down so I decided to maybe bring it up in my next chemo session. Luckily for me, Elliot couldn't come to this one because she was busy working but that didn't make this any easier. The usual had happened – I was laid on the bed with my IV, staring at the wall waiting for my latest update from Dr Cox. The results were always the same._

"Gloria, how delightful to see you." Dr Cox over-exaggerated his enthusiasm as he entered the room, throwing the chart onto JD's bed and folded his arms. "Listen up, you're not improving."

"What?" JD gasped, horrified by the lack of consistency. Since when did he not improve each time?

"For the last week or so, everything's been the same. Sometimes, slipping." Dr Cox explained. "I got sick of waiting for something to happen, Newbie, so I've booked you an appointment with the radiologist."

"Radiation therapy?" JD swallowed. "That necessary, really?"

"Come on, Tina, it's not that bad." Dr Cox winced at his protégée's girly reaction. "A lot of patients go from finding out they got a tumour to the therapy without even considering chemo. It won't be as draining."

"I appreciate you trying to soften the blow, but-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Dr Cox stopped him in his tracks. "Who said anything about that? I'm being a doctor, this isn't a friendship. Get that through your skull, Newbie, we will never be friends."

"But I was just saying..."

"Then just stop saying." The older man sighed, pinching the bride of his nose. "You will always be a giant pain in the ass to me, nothing more. I'm sorry, I'm just not the kinda guy who goes round making friends. I'm not and you know that."

"I was just saying that you were softening the blow!" JD shouted, a sudden surge of anger flying from his mentally scarred mood-swing damaged mind. He'd been doing that a lot lately. "Jeez, Perry, it's one thing with you and you're in the bad books. Let me be myself without you getting all defensive."

Dr Cox shrugged, a long, tired shrug, and then collapsed onto the visitors chair in the corner and put his hands on his face before talking again, still in that position so that the words came out muffled and almost inaudible. "This isn't easy for me, talking to you... I find myself attached to you for some God damn reason and every time I walk in here and see you... hooked up to those machines but faking that smile. I saw you looking at the rain before I came in and I know, I truly know, that this must be hard for you. You have moods you can't control and days where life doesn't seem worth living, I've seen it a thousand times. You've gotta stick through it still, goofy grin and all, because if you don't, I might break down and Newbie, no one wants to see that again."

It went silent for a moment, a moment in which JD found nothing he could even think about to break the tension in the room. It wasn't so much an angry or suspense type of tension, but more of a general wonder of what would happen next. It's not every day that Dr Cox shares his true feelings, let alone with JD, so whatever he said next would be the ice breaker. The make-or-breaker. If he got it wrong, he may never experience this again. If he got it right – friends for life!

"...so... you actually do care about me?" JD gulped, holding back his initial reaction of jumping for joy and weeping.

"Jesus Christ," Dr Cox muttered under his breath. "Lillian, see here. Over the past eight years... yea, I've grown to sort of have a kind of _understanding,_ with you. And seeing you like this, it, it breaks my heart, it honestly does. So imagine you're me, having to walk into a room where I'm half dead most of the time?"

"That wouldn't be good." JD croaked.

"Naw, it wouldn't. So I have to distance myself..."

"Oh, it's this excuse again." JD nodded, knowingly. "You've already used that one before, remember? When we first found out? Before the surgery?"

"Jeez, let a guy finish, will ya?" Perry breathed through his nose deeply and closed his eyes. What he was saying was obviously paining him in every way possible. "I... I just can't... let myself get too emotionally involved... in case ya do... kick the bucket..."

"Charming."

"Y'know what I'm trying to say, Newbie, so stop being a jerk-weed."

"Sorry."

Dr Cox suddenly shivered and pulled a face. "God, the only way this moment could get any worse, would be if Hugh Jackman walked into the room."

_*Day-dream Flash*_

_Hugh Jackman entered the room, with a nod and wave to the pair of them. Dr Cox looked between JD and the newcomer, grabbed hold of some nearby bricks, attached them to his feet and then threw himself out of the window. Hugh Jackman laughed and waved after him. JD smirked._

_"Say, Hugh, what are you doing here?"_

_"Working on my new film." The Hollywood star shrugged, holding up his hands that had plastic toy wolverine claws attached to them. "It's X-men 5 – Wolverines Breakdown. Should be good."_

_"Sure, sure. You do realize this ain't a movie set, right?"_

_"Oh, crap." He held up his clawed hands again. "What am I gonna do with these, then?"_

_Suddenly they weren't in the ICU anymore, but in JD's kitchen where Hugh Jackman was using his claws to chop lettuce, then put the shreds into a bowl and started on cucumber instead. JD stood beside him, proud. "You're doing well, Hugh."_

_*Flash back to reality*_

"It'd be an effective way to chop salad but not very hygienic." JD commented.

Dr Cox stared at him hard. "You should... rest now."

"Yeah..." JD settled himself down before launching himself upright again and practically screamed his doctor's name loudly. Dr Cox growled and came back from where he was – half way out the door to freedom. "Dr Cox! Look, I was gonna say anything but you've been so nice to me today that..."

"Not nice, doctorish."

"Yea, well, I was thinking I should tell you." JD took a deep breath and let it all out. "When I close my eyes, it doesn't matter where I really am, I end up back in this bed right here and feeling like crap, but I don't know why, and sometimes it feels really real and scary and I can't breathe, I have this feeling I might die, but if I open my eyes again I'm back. When I blink it's worse because it flashes on and off and makes me feel sick. Make much sense?"

Dr Cox mused on that thought, sucking in his cheeks and carefully making his way back to the chair without saying a word. Then, he got back up and nodded at JD.

"I'll be back." He promised. "I've gotta see somebody. I'll see you soon, kid."

_Is that it? I just told him why I'm so scared and angry all of the time and he has to go see someone else? That's just rude._

JD sighed as his mentor, and only hope left, seemed to escape the moment by heading out of the door as briskly as possible, leaving the poor, scared John Dorian on his own to wallow in his own fears and pain. Why did everyone end up doing that? Running away from their responsibilities? It was the human thing to do; but it left a scar on the victims. JD would now remember that day as the day his last strong faith bailed on him.

**-MLOTL-**

They had rung the adoption agency ages ago, and had even gone through all the steps. They had an interview with a charming kid and now they were both awaiting the moment when they could finally drive her home. She was a six year old girl named Gabby who had long wispy brown hair and big beautiful blue eyes that sparkled at the sight of her new parents. Apparently, she had been turned down many a time, but that never stopped the innocent happiness shown every time someone came to pick her up. The care worker had asked for them not to just keep her for a few days and then drop her back here again, as what happened most of the time. At those words, Elliot's anger roared and she claimed she would love Gabby with all her heart and bring her up right. All JD could do was agree, because it was true.

Gabby had wispy hair because of all the stress she had been through in her lifetime. Her mother had been a drunken teenager who couldn't even look after herself, and the father was unknown at this point. She just needed someone to love her.

So when she was brought back to JD and Elliot's apartment, shown her very own bedroom and asked if she wanted some ice cream before she met her new Uncle Turk, her smile brought a tear to Elliot's eye.

"This is your new home, Gabby." She had sniffled. "I hope you like pink."

"I love pink!" Gabby grinned, jumping onto her bed and laughing brightly.

"Well that's good." JD had nodded. "More pink in the future, then."

The future would be bright, too. Not just because of the pink – although he did have a feeling that would be a huge part of it – but because maybe having a little girl to look after and a wife to love dearly, he could try to forget that horrible nightmarish world behind his eyelids. And maybe, just maybe, he would battle on with this cancer until it couldn't destroy him anymore. Maybe he would get through this, with all these different rays of light in his new world. Because Dr Cox had been his guardian angel up until the point of running away, and things had to change. JD was a dad, he had people to care for. He wouldn't let his cancer beat him.

He would fight.


	21. Potential Risks Are Just Peachy

**_Ah, Gabby – a delightful ray of sunshine for this fic! Let's see how she's settling down in her new family... and what Dr Cox is going to do about JD's problem. Enjoy! xxxNTxxx_**

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**Chapter 21 – The Potential Risks Are Just Peachy**

There was something so gorgeously cute about the way Gabby would comb through Izzy's hair and slide in clips to keep parts back. Izzy didn't care what she was doing as long as she had her doll in hand. Carla smiled at them and clutched her stomach. Turk rolled his eyes and took another sip of his coke – he didn't want another girl but Carla really, really did. They already had names sorted out and there were two options for the possibility of a girl. This was the topic of discussion for all as Elliot and JD sat comfortably in his old apartment.

"I've always liked the name Tabitha." Carla mused. "But I also want to stick with my old roots like I did with Izzy, so I was thinking about Jasmine. We could shorten it to Jazz! Izzy and Jazz. Jazz and Izzy. Jazzy!"

"Yeah, but I might be a boy." Turk scowled.

"You got any names for boys?" JD asked.

"Well I like the name, err, well..." Turk smiled slightly and ducked his head. "Johnny. Or John."

"Hey, that's my name!" JD enthused, grasping Elliot's arm in his excitement. "Man, you are the best!"

"I know, dude." Turk grinned. "And I know that if you'd gotten a boy you'd have called him Chris, yeah?"

"Totally," JD high-fived his best friend and took a sweeping glance at Elliot. "Might adopt again in the future, yeah?"

"Just so you can call the child Chris?" Elliot sighed, shrugged and basically gave up on arguing back straight away. "Sure, whatever."

"Awesome!" Another high-five between himself and Turk.

"Aunt Carla, can I have a dwink, pwease?" Gabby piped up whilst brushing through Izzy's hair.

"Of course," Carla smiled. "I'll be back in a sec, guys."

"Yeah, take your time, sweetness!" Turk called as she walked out of ear shot, and then leaned down towards JD and Elliot with a sneaky expression. "Listen guys, don't tell Carla but I was thinking of planning a baby shower soon, yeah? Elliot, you'd be in charge."

"Coolio!" Elliot squealed, then gasped and stayed quite. "Can I do everything? Men don't tend to be involved in this kinda thing."

"Whatever, me and JD are hitting the town that night anyway, right dude?"

"I can only have juice..."

"Yeah, I know." Just then, Carla came to sit back down and handed Gabby a small cup and Izzy an even smaller sippy-cup.

"What do you know, babe?" She sighed as she sat back.

"That JD doesn't wanna be drinking alcohol anymore." Turk explained, swiftly avoiding the baby shower subject in one sentence. "Hey, when are you coming back to work anyways?"

"If he does." Elliot glared at JD.

_Oh, crap. Ever since I told Elliot that I was moving onto Radiation Therapy, she had been determined not to let me back to work! I had no idea why because I thought this new therapy meant I wouldn't get tired as easy and I'd feel a lot better. Plus, not every cancer sufferer stays off work for as long as I did, and now we've got a kid and everything... I really wanted to get back to my old schedule as soon as possible. Elliot didn't like the idea at all._

"I really want to come back soon..." JD bit his lip. "I miss being a doctor, and it would help put my own issues in perspective, don't you think? I could focus more on something else rather than dwelling on other things."

_Also, we didn't like to talk about the cancer in front of Gabby. All she knew was that her new daddy was very ill and that he needed to go to hospital for medicine sometimes, but everything was okay. She accepted this revelation pretty well being a six year old and continued with her love for pink, ponies and teddy bears. God, I envied her sometimes._

"I don't like the idea." Elliot bit back before he could fully finish. "He's so weak some days and he might end up doing something dangerous for himself or a patient."

"I think he could handle it." Carla frowned. "He's done well so far today, right Bambi?"

"Yeah, considering." JD inwardly growled.

"What do you mean by that?" Carla looked taken aback by his response. "Is everything alright?"

"After chemo and finding out that it wasn't even working for me, I told Dr Cox something really personal and he just ran out on me." JD angrily explained. "He didn't come back for a long time, so I just left. I'd already been signed out anyway. I didn't see the point in sticking around."

"And then he went straight from that to picking up Gabby." Elliot carried on. "It's been a long day for you, hasn't it, sweetie?"

"Yea-huh." He nodded.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute, back up for a second," Turk waved his hands in front of his face as if in disbelief. "You mean your own doctor just left you in the loop?"

"Exactly." JD sighed. "It was really important to me, and he just sighed and walked out. Apparently he went to see someone."

"Wait, I know Dr Cox more than any of you," Carla frowned. "The only way he'd do that was if he felt uncomfortable or if it was too hard for him to handle. What did you tell him, Bambi?"

"About... err..." JD looked to the ground, then at Gabby, and began to whisper the rest. "Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can see myself in the hospital. Like I'm there to stay, y'know? It's really weird, and I told Perry, and he just bailed."

"Oh, my God, JD!" Elliot hit him. "Why didn't you tell me about this? Since when!"

"Since... since our wedding." JD winced. "I didn't want to spoil your big day."

"Dude that's... that's just freaky-deeky stuff there." Turk raised his eyebrows. "Sounds to me like you need to see a psychiatrist. Sorry."

"That'll be where Dr Cox went!" Carla pointed a finger at her friend. "He'll have gone to see someone for you."

"Then why didn't he come back? It was a long time, I even paged him." JD was not shaken by the excused Carla was putting out for the older doctor. He'd been hurt and that was that. There was no way Perry would get away with this. "Look, I know he's supposedly a good man underneath his shouting and ranting, but right now I don't want to see it at all."

"You'll have to see him again." Turk said quietly. "You've got your next appointment."

"And it's sooner too, because the scheduling changed with the therapy." Elliot put in. "Sorry JD, but you're going to have to face him. He's still your doctor."

"Bit coincidental that, really." Carla smiled to herself.

Elliot frowned and blew the bangs from her face. "How do you mean?"

"Just that being a nurse means that I get all the gossip. And... I know that Dr Cox wasn't originally your doctor. Yeah, he diagnosed you, but he wasn't going to be the one to help you through the treatments."

"So... he asked to be my doctor?" JD gulped and fumbled with his fingers in his lap.

"Yeah." Carla nodded. "He asked me not to tell anyone. He really doesn't want anyone to know that he actually cares for his little Newbie!"

"That's so sweet!" Elliot clapped. JD couldn't smile or clap, just throw his fist down onto the couch and snarl.

"If he wanted to be my doctor, then why is he acting this way!" He stood up and stormed out of the apartment. Elliot blinked and took Gabby's hand, encouraging her to come too. Carla and Turk looked at one another and grimaced.

_I didn't care about how I was reacting because every knew I had violent mood swings now. Stupid cancer had changed my personality – I'd become braver, feistier and angrier. And this sort of thing did not help with calming me down! I didn't even care that my feet seemed to lose grip beneath me as I strutted down the stairwell with Elliot calling after me. I was used to having to balance myself against walls and take five minutes. In the end, I did have to stop to catch my breath and my wife caught up with me, clipping me around the ear. But she looked concerned. Gabby looked scared. All the way home, I didn't speak. I listened as Elliot tried to explain to Gabby that I was in need of some medicine right now and that everything was okay. I felt terrible but it didn't cease the boiling anger in the pit of my stomach. _

_And it was all Dr Cox's fault._

_The next few weeks were a little jumpy for me. I didn't feel too good most of the time and I woke in the middle of the night with nightmares about death. It was pretty scary and Elliot said it was potentially dangerous._

_I went to my new session with my head held... well, low. I couldn't keep it up with how angry I was feeling. And that, mixed with fear and curiosity, was what would kill me in the end. I just knew it._

"JD, you're going to be fine." Elliot told him as she dropped him off at the room he was so used to staying in. "I can't stay, I'm so sorry, but try to behave, yeah?"

"Okay." He chewed on the side of his gum and let the nurse attach the IV to the inner of his elbow. "I'll see you, then. Bye."

"Bye..."

_Okay so maybe I'm more than just scared about today. When we dropped Gabby off at school I'd kind of hoped that I could stay with her. That sounds weird. You get me, right?_

Surprisingly, Dr Cox came into the room and gave JD a hard look before shrugging.

"What's up with you?" JD gave him the daggers.

"Leaving you like you are would be a _potential risk. _I went to see somebody about your condition." Dr Cox started off, sounding distant and croaky. "Unfortunately all the half-assed psychologists in this dump are too busy to give time for... for you, so... let's see, I used a phone and I rang up someone I knew, someone I knew you would trust."

"Who?" JD blinked rapidly, glad that Carla had almost been right in her predictions.

"Dr Clock." Perry explained, allowing time for JD to audibly gasp. "She's in town and I thought, while she was here, she could come examine you and see if you really need help. I think you'll be fine, frankly. You're strong, Newbie."

"Molly's coming here?" JD looked down. "Wow, last time I saw her I imagined her in her underwear."

"Comforting," Dr Cox winced. "Look, she's not coming for hours yet so get your ass up, we're getting this radiation thing over with."

"Will it hurt?"

"Like I said. You're strong, Newbie. Everything will be _just peachy_."


	22. The Fears Are Realized

**_I decided to make this the penultimate chapter. Sorry to anyone who doesn't want this fanfic to end but it must, I'm afraid! So as you must've gathered from the last chapter, Molly Clock will be coming back for a short and spontaneous visit, just so that we can finalize JD's unfortunate condition. Before that there will be a part about the Radiation Therapy. Lastly, the final chunk will be a family-soaked affair with JD's newly acquired family. And slight POV change at the end, sorry about that. Hope you all enjoy! xxxNTxxx_**

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**Chapter 22 – The Fears Are Realized**

_It's fair to say that I'm pretty much freaking out right now. I don't really know what goes off in Radiation Therapy, mainly because I usually turf patients there and don't stay for the ride. Plus, lately, I've been forgetting little doctorish things, like the amount of Morphine to give when a patient is suffering from... uh, I wish I could finish that sentence. This therapy better work, because I can't afford to lose my job! I love being a doctor. I hate being a patient. But, God, my head is on fire. I don't know if I can handle just thinking about anything right now. I wish I was unconscious._

_It's like I'm getting an x-ray. They said that's all it really is, but at a higher intensity than the usual kind, and will be focussing gamma rays on my body. It's external therapy. It's better than internal, because it's not as critical and surgical. At least they're firing the substances at me instead of placing them in me... somehow sounds safer. I don't know. I wish I wasn't awake._

"I told you it would be fine, didn't I?" Dr Cox gave a half smile with a flash of teeth. JD smiled back weakly from where he lay. "And Dr Clock will be here in a few hours, when you're up to it. Chin up, Newbie. It could be worse."

**-MLOTL-**

JD watched as Dr Clock entered the room, hair as bouncy and sandy as ever, her bright grin forever standing and her blue eyes forever sparkling. She cheerily greeted Dr Cox, who groaned and left the area as quickly as possible, leaving his shrugging and sitting on the chair beside JD's bed. He coughed and held back his initial reaction: _oh my God, she's beautiful!_

Of course, he was imagining her in her underwear yet again but this time he didn't really feel a sexual pull towards her. He was a married man now, and suddenly other women seemed bland and boring compared his Elliot.

"Hey, Johnny." Molly waved at him from where she sat. "I know you're probably feeling a little frazzled right now but I wanted to talk to you."

"My name is JD and it's okay because I don't feel that tired." JD answered back. "I know what you want to talk to me about as well, I'm not dumb."

"Wow, you've changed." Molly sucked in her breath and her smile was slightly battered. "I guess that's to be expected. Okay, Johnny! Let's get started. Dr Cox has explained to me your situation and it sounds really intriguing. Aside from the hospital appearing when you close your eyes, is there anything else you need to tell me?"

"This is so weird." JD laughed.

"What is?" Molly frowned.

"Last time I saw you, I wanted to sleep with you. I didn't, but I wanted to. Before that, I tried to make you love me. And now you're acting like we never had anything between us."

"You're my patient now." She muttered. "Personal feelings are thrown out! Besides, you're with Elliot now! Great catch, by the way, awesome. I was at the wedding. Magic."

"I know you were, I invited you." JD crinkled his nose. He had forgotten how spacey and strange Molly could be sometimes. "And my name is JD. JD!"

"Alright, Johnny." Molly clicked her tongue and battled onward, completely ignoring his sighing and huffing as she flipped through her chart. "So, is there anything else I need to know?"

"That's it, really." He shrugged. "I close my eyes, I'm here. I open my eyes, I'm back in reality. It really freaks me out and I end up imagining my death. It's not good." He shuddered.

"Ah, imagining death, fear and shivering? That's easy." She giggled to herself and jotted something down onto the paper before her without expanding on the matter. "What was being in a coma like?"

"Is that a general question, or...?" He winced, as her expression looked of nothing more of eager anticipation, as if a friend just wanted to know something that not many people do. She shook her head as if he was being _so silly _and laughed again.

"It's a real question. I mean it. Coma? What was it like?"

"I remembered being sedated and then zoning out for a while but not much after that." JD started. "Then it was almost as if I woke up again, but knew I was dreaming. Everything was the same but a little bit different, and I could hear voices in my head that were all echoed and loud. They were people I knew, but I couldn't answer them back. And then one day, I just fell to sleep and woke up in my hospital bed, with Turk dancing and going on about something... I'd woken up from my coma. It was like I'd been sleeping for a hundred years."

Molly nodded and took in everything that JD said, sometimes licking the nib of her pen and puckering her lips. She said 'mhmm' in the right places and folded her arms. All in all, the way she was acting made JD feel at home; almost as if he could say anything and not feel stupid. She was good at her job, that's all he could agree to.

"So you were dreaming." Molly shrugged, and wrote something else down. "Interesting... and now how do you feel?"

"Scared. Look, what are you writing?" JD complained, straining his neck to see but she batted him away and hid her papers.

"That's for me to know and you to find out!" She coughed to clear her throat and continued. "You're scared, that's simple... all of this is very simple."

"Sounds complex to me." JD muttered to himself.

"I'd say you're suffering from an acute Anxiety Disorder, is all."

"What is that?"

"It's not so bad." Molly tried to explain, eye lighting up at his interest. "It's a fear-related disorder that just means you're retreating to your most frightening place in your head whenever you get too scared. Seem as though you're scared all of the time, it appears to stay all of them time. And because you're terrified of death... well, Johnny, that's why you're thinking of this place. It reminds you of death."

"Geez, that sounds... interesting." JD grimaced. "How do I get rid of it?"

"You can't. It's psychological, not medical. There's no drug for it. It'll take years of careful help and planning, and I'll do my best."

"Oh, yay." JD sighed and looked to the ceiling, making silent prayers in his head.

_Dear God, make this all go away and I will give you candy... please?_

"Hey, I here you've got a kid now, huh?" Molly mentioned, pulling him from his day dream of making deals with God.

"Yeah, Gabby." He chuckled at the thought of her pretty face unintentionally. "I still can't believe it myself, to be honest."

"How old is she?"

"Six and a bit. Why?"

Molly gave him a concerned look and shook her head slowly. "No reason at all. I'll have to go soon. How do you wanna spend the rest of my time here?"

_If you'd asked me that a few years ago, I'd have made love to you on this very bed._

"How about we just talk?" He said instead.

_And so we talked. For a long time. Just about how life was going for each of us and what we thought the future might bring. Dr Cox came into the room to force her out and then took her place on the seat after talking for a few minutes with her. He patted me on the head, which was weird, and gave me a sad smile._

"You're doing good, Newbie."

**-MLOTL-**

_Okay, so everyone has been acting weird at the hospital. I think Doug bumped his fist against his heart and then pointed at me in some kind of Mafia respect signal – I did try to ignore that. But it had been weird, first there was the sad look that Molly had given me, then Dr Cox had given me a speech about buckling up and taking the rough with the smooth; for what reasons I couldn't think of. Ted and the Worthless Peons had sang a few words, something along the lines of "chin up, laddy" in Scottish accents and then Carla had hugged the breath out of me. When I got home, Turk was there with Elliot and he made an excuse to leave. Elliot sighed and wrapped her arms around me, which is when I pulled back and began this thought that I'm about to finish... now._

"Elliot, what is with everybody today?"

"I bet they're just happy to see you." She replied with a shrug.

"I didn't even tell you what was weird about them yet," JD pointed out. "You're all keeping something from me, aren't you?"

"No, never." She shook her head violently and made an attempt at changing the subject. "Hey, err, Gabby's in her room playing with those dolls that Carla had passed down to her; fancy packing up a picnic and heading to the park for a bit? Just while the weather is nice."

"Picnic, cool!" JD eagerly skipped to the kitchen. "I want ham on my sandwiches."

"Coolio, um, I'll go get that sorted out and you grab Gabby and tell her to dress nice."

"Awesome." JD had completely forgotten what they had been talking about, because, frankly, a picnic was just what he needed. Some time away from reality where he could sit and eat with his newly acquired family in peace. They could play Frisbee afterwards or play on the park. It would be just like his childhood, you know, before the divorce and Dan's taste for plastic army men.

JD entered Gabby's pink-attacked room and found her on the floor, rolled onto her belly, forcing two of her dolls into a frenzied marriage. She looked up and grinned at her daddy, whom she still called JD at times. She still called her mommy Elliot too, but they were expecting that to disappear shortly.

"Hey, JD." She waved and put her dolls down.

"Hey, guess what?" JD picked her up and tickled her stomach, to which she giggled uncontrollably and batted away his hand. "We're going to the park for a picnic, would you like that?"

"Oh, cool!" She answered back, eyes lighting up. "Can I bring my dolls?"

"Yeah, but only two, they meant a lot to Aunt Carla."

"Okay. Thanks, JD!"

"You're totally welcome."

_Ah, family life is pretty good. I've got my wife, my kid and my priorities set. Even if this cancer bug keeps looming over me like a scary clown, I'll just wave it off. Which reminds me, why was everyone acting so weird again...?_

**-MLOTL-**

Dr Cox was staring at JD's results over and over, unable to focus on one thing because it was just so huge. How could this happen? Why must this happen? He threw the results to the ground and put his hand over his eyes in disbelief. JD's cancer had spread incredibly, even after the surgery. They'd got the tumour out, but that hadn't been enough. And now it was practically everywhere, draping itself over his brain like a vampire would do with its cloak with one of its victims. Thank God for that x-ray machine, or they would never had noticed. All that it meant was that they would have to boost his medication. Accelerate his therapy. Do _something_.

But it wouldn't do any good, and Dr Cox knew that. The success rate of something like this... the statistics were stacked up against them.

All they had to do was wait for that fateful day when JD would... pass on. Pass on to the other side.

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**_Thanks for reading. I would like you to appreciate the difficulty of me writing this, as a couple of you already know my inspiration for this fanfic. If the last part seemed rushed, it's because it was hard to type. Sorry about that... anyway, on a lighter note, please R&R! I really do appreciate that! xxxNTxxx_**


	23. Three Years Later

**_Guys... it's the final countdown! Um, I mean... chapter. It's the final chapter. Yeah. I really hope you've all enjoyed this story and that you brought tissues, 'cause this one's gonna get you! I have little else to say, aside from thanks to those who stuck with it from the very beginning and... wow, 72 reviews not including this chapter? That's just so great of you. I love you all. Enjoy! xxxNTxxx_**

**_A/N: Major POV switching, every time I change scene there's a new POV. It was just so I could get every main character in there. Also, hardly any dialogue, hope you don't mind. Thanks._**

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**Chapter 23 – Three Years Later**

Gabby Dorian was nine and a half years old when her daddy died.

She knew that her daddy had been very poorly and that sometimes he had to go to see a doctor to get some medicine but usually he would be okay after that. And then daddy was getting tired a lot, which made him angry a lot, but Gabby didn't mind. Most of the time he went straight to sleep after work and didn't talk very much, but Gabby still didn't mind. As long as her daddy got better, that was all she could hope for. Then one day daddy never woke up, and mommy was crying. She said that he looked so peaceful but his heart wasn't beating. Aunt Carla and Uncle Turk came round and then they started to cry, and Gabby didn't understand. All they had to do was take daddy to his doctor and get the medicine, right? They _did _take daddy to the hospital, but Gabby had to stay in the waiting room with Aunt Carla. She kept rubbing her arm and telling her everything would be okay. Gabby knew that, she didn't need to be told.

But Uncle Turk didn't look happy when he came back into the waiting room. Daddy had died and there was no medicine in the world that could save him now. That's when Gabby realised – maybe daddy wasn't going to come back after all. Maybe she'd never see his grumpy face ever again.

That's when Gabby cried.

**-MLOTL-**

Elliot Dorian tried to be strong. She had to be, because she had a daughter now, so she couldn't act like she had when JD had been in a coma. Oh God, she wished that he was just in a coma right now. Things would be so much simpler if her were – she would visit every day and then one day he'd wake up, simple. But this situation was far from that of course; JD hadn't woken up. The memory still haunted her, as she relived stretching in the bed and nudging her husband. He didn't moan under his breath like he always did, but assuming that it was just his heavy sleeping that was the cause, Elliot had got up and made breakfast for them all. He didn't get up then either.

She called his name and he ignored her, so she went back into the room and noticed how eerily still he was – no, wait, he wasn't breathing! Elliot had dived towards him, checked his pulse and heartbeat before collapsing into tears and dialling for Carla. Whilst she waited she tried CPR but nothing was helping. And then Gabby had wondered in because of the noise waking her up, so Elliot had to try to explain as best she could.

So now Elliot's eating habits were slowing yet again, but that didn't mean that she was feeding little to Gabby too; she gave her daughter the full amount needed, but always felt too sick to eat her own. This sickness was just grievance, she knew that, but there was no stopping it. If she took more than five bites, her stomach literally knotted and her projectile vomiting would start. Carla knew that this would happen and was at the ready with help and advice in form of leaflets and phone numbers, so Elliot tried to stay optimistic like this wouldn't carry on. But how the frick can anyone be too sure what the future would hold? They had all been sure that JD would beat this monster. And look how that had turned out.

Elliot sighed and tried to eat her spaghetti, hypocritically complaining to Gabby when she didn't eat all of hers. So this is what it would be like now.

**-MLOTL-**

Chris Turk felt a little surreal, if he was honest. Like none of this was actually happening, you know? To him, all of this could easily just be a dream. Izzy was old enough to understand what was happening and even she was taking it better than he was. Their baby had been born three years ago, a lovely little son just like Turk had wanted and so Johnny was now his name. Lately, that name bugged Turk. It was a constant reminder of his best friend, whom he missed so much sometimes that it physically hurt to get up in a morning. How could that be? It wasn't like they were married, or brothers. They were just friends. _Best _friends. A sacred bond between two guys that couldn't be destroyed. Until now. That's probably why it hurt so much.

So it hadn't really hit Turk as hard as everyone else – big deal! He'd be okay. Reality could wait for now, but being numb felt just great right now and that's how he'd like it to stay. It was rare that the little things annoyed him, but sometimes he wouldn't react to Carla the way she'd like due to the lack of feeling in his heart, which would inevitably make him sad, and then he would be feeling something. But that emotion wasn't the kind that most people liked.

He had loved JD but he needed to get over this. Carla tried to help him, offering advice here and there and telling him it would all be okay, but that wasn't working. He just needed time, right? Time is a good healer. It hadn't been that long since the phone call from Elliot... he just needed time. After all, if Elliot was allowed to work and yet he wasn't, then something definitely was up. Maybe it was the silence the befell him and anyone who came near him.

He wanted so much to wake up from this dream, even if the dream was reality. Who knew which was which? Without JD it all seemed to same to him. Time would fix this, he was sure.

**-MLOTL-**

Perry Cox was a hard drinker, ask anyone. But right now he couldn't find comfort in alcohol. It tasted sticky and acid-like in his throat, and the whiskey just burned. A part of him knew that JD had never liked beer or whiskey, and that he was probably just compensating for him not being around to say those girly things anymore, but that didn't help the alcohol go down. So Perry stopped drinking, there and then, choosing instead the more healthier route of just staring into space at any moment (or was that unhealthy? He could never tell). The stares were unplanned, unannounced and very, very long. He would be working, or watching TV, or simply just talking to his son and then it would happen. He would look off into the distance and see JD waving at him sheepishly, asking for one last hug.

And, boy, Perry would give him one. God, he missed that little idiot so much and he couldn't shake him from his head. That day when Barbie and Ghandi had come rushing into the hospital with an unconscious JD, Dr Cox had sighed and rolled his eyes, grabbed them a stretcher and even lectured them on wasting his time. It looked like a simple faint or loss of conscious had scared them a little bit, but then as they lumped JD's surprisingly cold body onto the bed, Elliot had explained his lack of heartbeat and pulse. This was what scared Perry.

He tried, he really did try, to save JD but he was already dead before they had even got in their car. They had been wheeling his corpse around the hospital unwittingly and now they were desperately trying to save his lifeless body. Even after it was pronounced, Dr Cox continued to initiate CPR, almost violently, so that the nurse had to pin his arms behind him and hold him back before he did any damage.

Perry closed his eyes at the painful memory and remembered how much he missed his whiskey. Jordan was laid beside him, stroking his arm comfortingly and watching the TV in silence. She knew not to disturb him at the moment. She knew, God bless her, that he would snap out of it one day. But seriously, the last two times he had almost had a breakdown, who was it that helped him?

Who was it who made him see that Ben's presence was just a memory?

Who was it who gave him a speech that brought him back from the brink of insanity after losing those three patients?

JD. That's who.

So who was going to get him out of this one? Perry sighed and rubbed his head, earning a glance from Jordan. He just nodded at her to tell her he was fine and she continued to watch the TV. He didn't want to bother her with his thoughts when she didn't deserve it. It would only end up like a hurricane, sweeping everything and everyone he loved into a frenzy of mindless destruction. He would be okay in time; without alcohol, the healing process may even come quicker than it would of done before. All he had to do was hope.

**-MLOTL-**

The Janitor hadn't wanted anyone to see his undeniable distress upon hearing the news of JD's untimely death. He had heard it from Lady, who had been called during the day, interrupting little Nadia's bottle feeding. She had heaved herself up from the wooden chair at the table in the kitchen, as yet again she was pregnant, and had almost fainted when she was told. The Janitor had known that something was wrong because when he came back from work, she had made him his favourite meal and was smiling disconcertingly. He had demanded to know what was wrong.

She broke the news quickly, like ripping off a band aid. This still did not sooth the pain that splintered through him at those very words. Weird, seem as though he'd spent eight years of his life trying to hurt the mousse-haired idiot. But the unbelieving agony made him think that perhaps he cared a little about JD deep down – after all, he had helped him wake up with his present, right? And JD would know that he cared a little before he died, yeah? It had to mean something, ain't that true? Aw, dang it, he really should have been nicer to JD. Now he just felt to guilty for words.

The only way that he could redeem his evils was to name his next child for him. But that stupid Black Surgeon and his Latina wife had already done that. So the Janitor would call his unborn son Michael. That way, whenever JD looked down from heaven (you know that goody-goody will end up there) he would see that the Janitor truly did care; at least, thinking that way made him feel better about himself.

**-MLOTL-**

Carla Espinosa-Turk felt the worst out of all of her friends. Bambi had meant a whole lot to her, from the day they had met and throughout all of their battles together. She had always felt so motherly towards him, but more than she did towards others. There was a weird yet natural gravitational pull that made her love him like he was a part of her family.

Yes, Carla felt like his death was too much to handle and yes, she felt like she could jump off a cliff any minute because she missed him so much. But no, she would not let the situation drag her down and no, she would not fall under the pressure. Everyone else needed her too much, and being the mother-hen that she was, it was her duty to make sure that everyone else got through this before herself.

She had given Elliot leaflets, Turk advice and comfort, babysat Gabby whenever it got too much and still looked after Izzy and Johnny all of the time. Sometimes she felt like no one wanted to take care of her, but it wasn't that at all – they were all grieving, and she was so strong that they didn't notice when she sneaked off to the toilets to cry. If just for one second Carla was to break down in front of the others, then hell would break loose and the world would fall apart. They needed the seams to be pulled by someone; it was just a shame that she didn't get a break every once in a while.

She would miss JD. But what kept her going was the look on his face if she was able to slap him and tell him off for running her off her feet. Poor Bambi.

Bye, John Dorian. See you on the other side.

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**_Oh my God... that was so sad for me. I hope you lot didn't cry too much either. e-Tissue? I know I need one! Thanks for everything, final reviews please! There is some fan art available on my profile related to this fanfic, please check that out too! Thanks xxxNTxxx_**


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